Carry Me Home

Chapter 7

On Monday I went to school with a bunch of eyeliner and dark makeup on my face. (Just cause I don’t wear makeup doesn’t mean I don’t have any, Jezus!) My black hood was pulled down over my face, and my steps were slow, not my usual long legged strides. Robert had yet to wake up. I’d spent my whole weekend at his bedside, nursing him back to health. When my mom wasn’t around I would heal him with my limited magic.

*past*

          Stepping out the door I looked down each end of the hallway to see if anyone was there. Not a soul was in sight. I stepped back to Roberts bedside, closing the door behind me. “You’re gonna be all right.” I told him for the fourth time in 15 minutes. Putting a little of my strength with his, I tried to heal him. When he still didn’t wake up I lay my head down and cried into his shirt.

“Come-on Rob,” I said between sobs. “You can do this!” then more quietly I added, “I love you Rob, you’re the best big brother in the world…I don’t wanna lose you.” I couldn’t help it, I broke down crying again.

Feeling a hand on my solder I flinched away; it was Jacob. “Go away.” I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to me. “Is there anything I can do?”

That was the nicest thing he’d ever said to me, it made me cry even more. “No,” I sobbed.

“Do you have any idea who did this?’

“Yes!,” I jerked my head up at him, spraying my salty tears everywhere, “I know exactly who did this! And he’s going to wish he wasn’t alive! He’s gonna wish he’s in hell! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!”

“Wait, Dianna, who did this?”

“DON’T YOU SEE?!,” I was screaming at the top of my lungs at this point, “I CAN’T TELL YOU! I CAN’T TELL YOU WHO DID THIS! HE WOULD KNOW IT WAS ME! HE WOULD KNOW! HE WOULD-” I couldn’t keep talking, I broke down into sobbs as Jacob sighed and walked out the door.

No one was here for me, no one was ever here for me, I would always be alone. Rob was my one, true, friend, and now, now he was gone forever it seemed.”

*Present*

**Hopelessness**

It was true, everyone always walked away from me in my time of need. I think it’s because, if I, the strong minded and brave girl, saw no hope, that they felt hopeless. Hopelessness is not a feeling that people like - humans and witches alike- you want to believe there’s always hope, but sometimes, for some people, there isn’t. So you turn your back on those people, hoping that their distress won’t rub off on you, because you want to stay strong. But, if you’re turning your back on someone, that’s not really strong, is it? It’s weekness.

          Walking to school I listened to depressing songs on my ipod. When I got to school I had already missed first period. Sitting down at my desk in Science I dropped my backpack by my feet. The teacher said something to me, but I didn’t bother to take out the earphones to hear what she was saying. Ignoring me she went back to work. I spent the rest of class with my head on my desk and music on full blast in my ears. I didn’t hear the bell ring for recess or see the other kids go outside with their books. I was in my own little world, on my own clock, with my own thoughts, stuff no one else had access to. When my inner schedule told me it was recess I got up and dragged myself to my locker.

          It took a while for me to do my lock. My mind was foggy and it seemed like I couldn’t think strait. After getting it open I dumped my backpack in, took out a pen and a notebook, and slammed and locked the door shut. I walked through the silent halls and out the front doors. My friends might have called out to me, they might have been there, I really don’t know. Walking to my own personal place on the school grounds I curled up and began to do my thing.