Helicopters

Anna

The floor is wet and smells like bathrooms. It's my fault. But I couldn't come out. Mummy told me to stay here and wait until everyone was gone away and that's what I did. I didn't know she meant that she was going away too. I don't mind as much that Nathan went away because he was a very mean person whenever Mummy was not around. It will be better if it is just Mummy and me. And Daddy. But i know I can't have Me and Mummy and Daddy because Daddy died 3 years ago and I was just old enough to know that a funeral was a thing you cried at. But I didn't cry and nobody told me off for it anyway. I think that the way my throat hurt it meant that I wanted to cry but there were just no tears.

Hopefully everybody is gone now so I'm going to come out and go into my bedroom. My legs are wobbly and my stomach feels the same but on the inside not the outside. I don't like it. I feel sick. If I throw up on the carpet Nathan will be mad. Mummy always understands but Nathan gets angry with me and makes me clean it up. One time he smacked me in the face and I got such a fright that I started crying and then I threw up again. Mummy got home a little bit later and saw me crying and she yelled at Nathan and then cleaned up the floor herself. She should have told him to do it. I would have liked that. No she should have made him do it and then told him to go away forever. But she didn't. But he's gone now anyway and I don't know where he is which I don't mind but I want my Mummy.

My room is pink and flowery just like my skirt but I can't keep wearing this skirt because it is all wet and cold and bad. My drawers make noises that are too loud when I open them. Finding a pink skirt isn't easy because I wear them so much and they're all dirty. I have to wear a purple one which is not as good as pink but is better than blue. I start thinking about colours because they are better than the sounds of shouting and whup-whupping of things I don't know about. Now I'm wearing my purple skirt it is making me think that my purple top is not right because it's a different type of purple. My white top is better.

My garden is full of flowers. They have been torn up and thrown about by something. The bushes look men in big boots have been dancing on them for hours. Why would anyone do that to our garden? Why would Mummy let them? Did Nathan tell them to do it? Of course! This is all Nathan's fault! He invited them here to ruin our garden and break all Mummy's flowers and then take Mummy away. Maybe they will realise they forgot me and then they will come back because Nathan knows where we live and then they will come and take me away as well. I don't want to go with them. Maybe the farmers down the road will let me stay with them there? In that case I will be needing my gumboots.

Walking down the road is taking a very long time. Out here, everyone's next door neighbours live a long way away. Maybe it would have been better for walking if I'd brought other shoes as well. And it is very dark and very cold and very windy and very very quiet especially against what it was before. The sky is filled with lights and stars and little red and blue flashing bits like planes. But Mummy isn't here and her voice isn't talking to me about how nice they are so its not nice tonight.

My toes and heels are getting blisters and they really hurt. The ground is hard and pointy without my gumboots and things keep jabbing into me. I don't want to walk on the grass though. Mummy always told me not to because there could be cowpats.

Everything smells like cowpats anyway. And I smell bad as well. I hope my neighbours have a bath. I have never been to their house before. Sometimes I see it when we drive past. It is quite big and dark looking even in the daytime. There is a light-up sign outside of it which sometimes says a word on it and sometimes doesn't say anything at all. It has a big long driveway that leads into lots of trees. I think it looks like the scary dark forests like in Snow White or Sleeping Beauty.

The ground is wet a little bit. I don't think it is really raining though. Only windy. I am starting to not be cold now, just a funny sort of warm, but every time there is a strong gust of wind I still shiver. When I finally see my neighbour's house, I can't help thinking that it's not real. Just wishful thinking. Mummy used to say things like that. Sometimes she thinks she sees daddy. That makes her sad and she says it's just wishful thinking. 

But the house looks so real that when I start walking up the driveway I don't fall into a ditch like if it was not real. The driveway is hurting my feet with its gravel. My gumboots are getting heavier and heavier in my arms. It is so dark that I can't even see the pattern on them. The house goes on forever. Or has lots of big garages. Or something. A few of them have lights on, but not really. The gardens here are flattened as well. Maybe Nathan was here. 

I flatten myself against a wall, bury myself in the bushes. I can't let him see me, what will happen then? But there is no sign of him, of anybody. Even the lights on in some of the windows... They seem empty. The wind pours through the trees. It rips off leaves and throws them against me. I hear, but don't fully notice, the crunching of gravel. When a lightly blurred shadow falls over me, I don't look up. Just squinch my eyes shut and wait for Nathan to get me.