Chapter 21
It has been three days, three days since I lost my mother. Today was the day that I was dreading. It was her funeral. All of the boys had flew down to attend which I was grateful for. They didn't know my mum well except for Harry, but yet they still had came to support me through this day. I really did appreciate it.
The letter my mum had given me before she died is still un-open. I decided that I didn't want Harry there when I opened it because I had a feeling that I would have to do it alone.
"Are you alright bubby?" Harry asked hugging me and letting me cuddle into chest.
"Not really" I squeaked trying not let the tears slip out.
"We have to go" He said softly kissing away the one tear which was sliding down my cheek. I nodded and started walking to the car that Paul had gotten for us. It was a quiet trip and all the boys had a sympathetic yet sad look on their face. I guess no one would want to be in this position because it is heartbreaking.
We got to the funeral and there were lots of people there. My mum knew everyone and was surely going to be missed by a lot more people than just me. Not only people that knew my mum were here but also some fans had found out about it and decided to show up. I was hoping they were all nice fans who weren't here to rip my head off. On some of the posters I saw held up they were all to me. One wrote 'I love you Ash, stay strong' I smiled, a real smile for the first time in days.
It was my turn to say what I had to say about my mum. Harry came up with me, for comfort.
"To be honest, me and my mum weren't as close as what we should've been. A couple of months ago, I didn't want to talk to my mum, I hated her. She pushed me into a world that I didn't want to live in. But then I found out the truth behind everything. She had cancer. She didn't want me to be with her when she was going through all the surgeries and chemotherapy. Not growing up with a father and finding out the real man that he was was truly heartbreaking. Mum always would warn me about him and I never believed her. She was the greatest women anyone could have, always supporting and always putting other people before herself. My whole life I was just to dumb to realise anything. I was to stuck up and selfish to see the great women she was. But I did love her, I will always love her. So mum, if your watching over this, please know that I am sorry and I love you so much. I miss you already, I haven't slept or done anything since you died. I love you" I said breaking down. Everybody looked at me in shock and honestly I have no idea how I held that together. But I know for a fact that I do love my mum and I miss her.
After the funeral, we actually went over to some fans. I was messed up but these fans meant a lot to me. I loved them and they weren't even mine.
One of the girls walked over and hugged me, she was around 17-18 and she was crying.
"Are you alright?" I asked her.
"Im sorry for coming to this funeral, it wasn't our business at all but I had to, My mum and dad passed away a couple of years ago as well and I know how you feel. I was in the position you are in now except at a younger age. You seriously are amazing, I could of never said that speech no matter how true it was" She said and I hugged her. Knowing that someone had gone through this pain, helped me a lot. She went through it at a younger age and that just inspired me.
"Come back with me, and we can talk?" I asked her and she nodded.
"I don't want to mess up your time" She said.
"Please? I don't want to be alone when the boys leave tomorrow" I said. It was true, the boys had to leave tomorrow, which was really sad.
"Alright" She said. I wiped away the few tears that were still falling from my eyes.
"What's your name?" I asked her trying to smile.
"Sophie" She said.
"Im Ashley"
"I know" She said. She walked along with me back to the car. As soon as we got back to the car the boys all hugged me.
"Thanks guys"
"We love you, always remember that" They said and I nodded.
"This is Sophie guys she is staying over" I said and Harry looked at me in confusion. I mouthed that I would tell him later and he just nodded.
"Hey" She said. Before you knew it she was exchanging numbers with everyone.
When we arrived home we all went to our rooms and Sophie went with Louis. Harry looked at me with confusion.
"Firstly are you okay?" He asked and I nodded.
"Im holding on" I said truthfully. I mean I was still shaken up.
"Okay" He said hugging me tightly.
"Sophie is a fan and her mother and father died a couple of years ago, she seemed really nice and yeah" I said.
"Okay, im really sorry" He said.
"For what?" I asked.
"For us having to leave tomorrow" He said.
"It's alright, I'll be fine"
The words that came out of my mouth were all lies. I wasn't going to be fine. I was going to be the worst I have ever been in my life.
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I still don't have my laptop charger!!!
But this is written on my parents computer which I hardly ever go on. So this might not be good.
And my uncle died so this chapter kind of came from a point of view that I had to my uncle, with other words. Mainly the feelings and stuff. His funeral is tomorrow and I'm not allowed to go because it's in Queensland and it is actually really killing me ot write these chapters.
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