excerpt from a book i will never write | tumblr

#9

"Realizing someone will never love you doesn't get better after the first time. it still hurts long after you think you are over it and you will find yourself wanting to kiss someone else to get the idea of his lips against yours out of your head. anything would be better than still loving him, anything at all because right now you are in hell and it can only get better.

how can you find yourself entranced by someone so much that they could stab you and you would thank them for the knife. i was never told it would hurt this bad or I never would've let myself get this close.

i don't want to ever fall in love because this is what it will be like. forever waiting for rain to fall but you are mistaking a desert for a rainforest.
forever realizing that "love" and "loneliness" are antonyms of words that mean the same thing."