Alone

Why?

I'd woken up this morning to the sound of sobs. They were loud enough to penetrate the thorough silence of my room, which was normally my safe haven. I waited 15 minutes for them to stop, because I thought they were part of a dream of mine. Dreaming is, I guess, an asset, I mean if you thought of things that way.
I made my way down stairs. What I saw shocked me, honestly it took me a while to process it all. My mom sat on the couch; sobs racking her being. The sight was hopelessly heart wrenching. "he's dead" she whimpered, barely audible over the unmerciful sobs. Her face a page of emotions unreadable. What I'd heard was unfathomable, at least it was for me.
"he's dead" she said again, louder this time.
"it's not my fault" she said imploringly. "I told him not to". Then she looked at me. Faltering she said between sobs "it's your fault, you being antisocial, and 'suicidal ' ". I looked at her aghast. How could she blame me, her own daughter, and I hadn't known until now. Trying to avoid her accusations, I made an attempt at diverting her attention.
"how did it happen " I asked, mentally kicking myself for asking. She looked at me like I was a juvenile delinquent. Pap!......she slapped me. The slap recurring in echoes throughout the house.
"How dare you?"she asked, glaring at me like I'd committed manslaughter. "Get out!" she screeched. I ran the stairs to my room ruefully, my jaw muscles taut. Mulling over the thought of how she had the audacity to blame me for my own father's death. I sullenly packed my stuff in a stupor. I left clad in black skinny jeans, my father's old T-shirt, and my favorite jacket. I walked out the door in a detached manner. My mind reeled as my heart raced. She wasn't liable to change her mind. She was my guardian, my protector. 'what is she now?' I thought.
Defiance had crossed my mind more than once. As I walked down the vast street, I remembered her contemptuous glare. My anger burned internally like an ember, and the cold only fueled it. I walked on resignedly, apprehensively awaiting the next few moments of my solemn journey to nowhere. And, as u walked on I realized I was and will be.....alone.