The Bad Boy's Toy | ✔️

T W O

After eating my celebratory dinner alone, I went home thinking about everything that happened with Ryan. I mean, was I so wrong? It's me. She knows how I am with these kinds of things. You would think after knowing someone practically their entire lives they would understand and respect your feelings.

Unless Ryan is right?

I hate to admit that some of the things she said really got to me. What if I graduate high school only having the memories of staying in on weekends doing homework and extra credit, award ceremonies, and working on my college essay, not to mention my chores at home?

I walk in my front door, slipping off my shoes and putting my coat on the hook when suddenly I hear quick footsteps come down the stairs and my younger brother Sam came towards me.

At thirteen, he's already almost four inches taller than me, and I'm five-foot-six. God, what are we feeding this kid? "Hey Ash, congrats on the award. Can I see?" He asks and flashes me a metal filled smile.

"Sure," I grab the award off the bench and drop it in his hand. He turns it and shrugs. "Not bad."

I shrug back, "Not bad at all." I leave him with my award to play with going upstairs to my room.

Once I got there, my curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to take a peek inside my closet.
Alright, let's say I'd go to this party. What would I even wear? How would I do my makeup? Do I wear flats or heels? I don't even know. Usually, if I go to a special event, I have Ryan to help me, but she's upset with me right now.

I slump against the footboard of my bed sliding down to my floor. I rub my temples feeling a heache coming on. I shouldn't be this stressed. This problem is dumb its almost laughable, I know that, but I can't stop thinking that this is something that might actually affect me. Something I will look back on later in life with regret instead of hazy golden memories of the good ole days kind of vibe. She actually has me thinking that maybe this party is good for me. I mean, not everyone there would be complete strangers. I've gone to school with them for four years, how bad could it really be?

I grunt with frustration realizing my mind was made up and I had to make the move before I changed it. God, this is going to be bad, I know it in my bones. But I'll never live it down if I don't at least try. I quickly crawl to my purse hanging from my door knob and grab my phone texting Ryan.

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Ryan rambles on endlessly under her breath going completley entranced with the task at hand. Excitmenet couldn't even begin to explain her reaction to me changing my mind. I felt jelous for a moment watching her ransack my closet like a mad woman, a crazed sparkle in her eye as she put potential outfits together. I wanted to feel like that, excited about a high school party. But all I felt was honest to God fear in the pit of my stomach and a nauceaus feeling making itself right at home. Why was I so worked up about a stupid High School party? I would be lying to myself if a part of me wasn't also angry. Angry at myself for feeling like this. I should be right there with Ryan, giggling endlessly and feasting on the delicious posibilites of the exciting things that could happen to me tonight.

Maybe I could just pretend. Fake it 'til you make it right? I already do it with everything else. Why not this too?

Ryan waves a hand in front of my eyes and I blink coming out of my thoughts. "Sorry, what?"

Ryan's shoulders sag a little and the corners of her smile turn down slightly for just a second. I do extremely well at hiding what I'm truly feeling, so well that not even my best friend knows who I truly am. But if there was anyone in this world that see past my mask even just a little it would be Ryan. I know that she can see my hesitance, my fear. But she wants to me to experience life, see past the grades and award ceremonies of High School. So she quickly perks up again possibly hoping her energy would rub off on me and she jerks her head in the direction of the outfit laid out on the bed.