'Just one.' I thought.
'One to take all the pain away. Just one, and i'll never think about it again.'
I held the blade up to my wrist, praying it will only hurt a little. 'You can do this, Ny. You can do this.' I gently kiss my right wrist, as it will never look this pure again once I scar myself from my pain. 'Thinking of all my suicidal thoughts will only make me do more. I promised myself I would only do this once.'
The tears spill down my face as the seconds count down before I apply pressure to my wrist. I think of all the times I would accidently cut myself with a razor or scrape myself from being clumsy. The sight of the blood rushing down my body gave me the chills. It fascinated me. The red, liquid substance pouring out of my body, the dry blood staining my slightly pale skin. 'This won't be that bad,' I assure myself, knowing what I just said is a complete lie.
'3... 2...... 2 and a half.. 1..' I start to subconciosly put pressure to my wrist as I feel a stinging sensation.
"Lissa? I'm home!"
'Shit.' The blood had already started to surface my skin. Just a thin layer before I spewed out blood from my small dainty arm.
"Liss? Where are you?" My mother checks around the house waiting to hear my voice. I try my best to choke out words without hearing my muffled cries. "I'm in the bathroom."
I stare at my wrist that I was about to puncture. 'What have I come to?' I thought. I proceed to the mirror and look at my tear-stained face. I didn't know how to move about without my mother seeing I was crying my eyes out, so I washed my face. The cold water glistened off of my tired face as I dried the remains of the water with a towel that was nearby.
'Can't get much better than this.' I walk out of the bathroom and proceed to my room. I stare at the wall for what seemed like hours until I heard my mother approaching. Quickly, I repositioned myself to the fetal position, as it was my favorite sleeping position, and threw the covers over my head as if I were sleeping. My mother opened the door swiftly and looked at me. I felt her eyes scanning my room, and landing to my bunched up body under the duvet.
"I'm gonna cook something tonight. How was school?"
By this time I had stopped crying so it was inevident that I was any different than my normal self. "It was pretty good, kinda boring actually." I peeked over my covers to find my mother staring straight at me. "Okay. I'll call you when dinner's done." And that was it. She closed my door and I knew she wouldn't be back in here.
I threw the covers off of my head as I was on the verge of sweating profusely and continued to stare at the ceiling. 'Things will get better, Ny. I promise. Just let go of the past and move on.' I drifted off into a light sleep, and then ate dinner with my mother.
*Next Day*
I wake up from my alarm and slide the screen of my phone to the left, signaling I was putting the alarm on snooze for another five minutes. It only seemed like seconds before the alarm went off again.
"Jesus, okay I get it!" I scream, throwing the duvet almost completely off my bed, too annoyed to move it. I get up and walk around from my bed to my door. The door won't budge. I pull with both hands as I look down and realize the duvet blocking my only way out. 'Well, there is a window.. Stop it Ny.' Even more furious than the previous seconds, I regain my thoughts and attempt to kick the covers away. "Oh my G- AHHHH!" I slip and fall, earning a groan to escape my lips and multiple profanities as I also discover a bump forming on the back of my head.
I move the duvet forcefully, as if it were a body, and threw it onto my bed, swinging the door open hurting my arm on the way. 'Today is not my day.'
A.N.
I wanted to write this story to kind of mirror my life. This one is going to be more of a serious writing apart from my other fanfic 'These Are My Confessions'
Soon, this story will include the boys of One Direction, if you are patient enough and care to continue on reading.
I do not have a title or a cover for this story so any feedback on this story is appreciated! I would love your honest feedback so I know to make it better in future chapters..
Vote, Comment, and Share! Don't be afraid to tell me what you think!
Twitter: @Ny_Laell23
If you ever need someone to talk to, contact me on here, Twitter, or my email: nylissa.xo23@gmail.com
Please DO NOT steal my ideas.
Thank You! :)
- Nylissa
