Dark Secrets-Their Choices

Chapter Six; Marcell gets clean

*MARCELL'S MUM :

I never thought I would be in this position watching my son and feeling so tied, he looked like a mental case. His room was dark and depressing because the lights were hurting his head. I couldn't imagine how he was feeling, every other hour I checked on him he looked worse, sat in the right corner of the room curled up in the foetus position crying, from time to time I would sit and stroke his face, damp with sweat and tears. He continuously screamed for drugs and her, vowing that he would love me even more if I brought them both to him. It was painful to watch my son deteriorating slowly like this; every little sound caused him to jump looking around like a scared mouse. He was hallucinating to the extent that he would walk around in circles for hours talking to himself, screaming out his apologies to Nailah, rocking back and forth, punching the air screaming  

'GET OFF HER MARCELL SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT'. At times I was scared I didn't know what he would do next.

 *MARCELL:

She was standing in the corner looking scared. I called out to her 

'I love you Nailah-Marie. I need you, I'll kill myself without you, your always on my mind, I'm so sorry that I hurt you I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't mean it'. She was gone. I closed my eyes and opened them again. I was going mad, every time I looked in that corner she would be there but when I close my eyes and open them again she would disappear. I needed a fix but I couldn't find one, I emptied all the draws and scattered the tables but I couldn't find one. I say scratching at my face, the carpet, the tables, everything around me trying to rid myself of the image I had once formed for myself, I couldn't take what I had become and it was slowly killing me. I screamed out to my mother 

"Just give me a little bit of coke mum please I can't take it please!" She continued to ignore my pleas with tear stained eyes. My mind was playing tricks on me; I was seeing and hearing things that were not there. I slapped myself and cried out before I began breaking out in a cold sweat, I felt like a rabbit stuck in a hole. I knew why I had to do this, when I finally get out if here it would just be me and her. I rocked back and forth as sweat poured down my face; I let out a scream I couldn't take it anymore. Slowly I closed my eyes and images of Nailah filled my darkness, my eyes flickered open and swear she was sitting on the edge of the bed tears streaming down her pretty little face. I closed my eyes as that night came to my mind, I winced as I remembered how petrified she looked, I thought she was acting I knew she wasn't a virgin I mean how could she be with a body like that at 16? So I carried on until I saw the blood running down her leg, by then I was someone else completely, I just didn't care. She looked so empty and broken as she walked out, it was only then I realised what I'd done but it was too late the damage was already done. Opening my eyes I shook away the thoughts, as each day passed I got one step closer to forgiving myself.

MARCELL'S MUM:

Things were starting to look up, he had begun to move more than before but he still cried out sometimes. He would stare out of the window sometimes then sit and stare at the wall and claim that he would to be a squirrel because they were so free. By the end of the 3rd week he had asked me for Nailah and cocaine 83 times. It pained ms to watch him like this but I stood firm and told him each time 

'I am your mother Marcell, I will not watch your nor help you ruin your life' and walk off. Sometimes he would mumble to nobody in particular that he would willingly take his own life. I knew it wasn't him talking but it still scared me.  

By week 4 I was starting to see the old Marcell, we would have short conversations with each other, he was responding a lot better than before and the sweating and paranoia had officially stopped, I was slowly getting my son back and it felt good. The final day of week six arrived and we decided to go outside, well he insisted he go outside. We spoke about his future as we walked down the road and he surprised me just a little. He wanted to work with young people and have a child soon, and hopefully settle down with Kahlia-Symone. I was proud of the steps he was willing to take to better his life.

*MARCELL*:

It was the last day of my rehab and things were finally looking up. I'd been fighting myself for so long that I forgot what it feels like to be stable. I walked along the streets with mum and spoke of my plans for the future, I want to settle down with Kahlia and I want to do it soon. I know mum's spoken to her about where I've been and what I've been doing; surprisingly she's happy for me. I'm slowly forgiving myself for what I did to Nailah, I just need her forgiveness now but I know that's going to be hard. We returned back to my mums and packed my stuff in my car so I could return back to my yard.  

30minutes later I slammed the front door closed and sighed; it felt good to be home. I was about to switch on the light when her voice stopped me. 

"Hey Marcell, I've missed you" she said softly walking towards me. I pulled her towards me and held her close, smiling at the way she relaxed into my frame. 

"I missed you too Kahlia really have. I was so messed up before wanting what I knew I couldn't have and trying to use people to get close to her that I almost lost what I had right in front of me, but I'm back now and I'm not going anywhere" I whispered to her. She looked up at me with her piercing hazel eyes and kissed my cheek before hugging me closer to her. 

"I hope so.... I really hope so" she whispered quietly to herself.