It was all his fault. His fault for still being alive; his fault for allowing himself to get this close to John; his fault that Moriarty was still alive...
It was his fault John was in danger. Again.
Tears blurred his vision as he tried to calm himself down, but the thoughts permeated everything.
Kill yourself.
It's not John that Moriarty wants, it's you. Remove yourself from the equation and John will be safe again.
Don't be scared of dying. You'll finally be at peace.
Just do it, you fucking coward.
Save John. You love him, the least you can do is protect him one last time.
Just do it, just do it, just do it...
With trembling hands and a racing heart, he reached over to the table beside his hospital bed and grasped the bottle of antidepressants placed there by the nurse. There was 40 in the bottle; not enough to kill him by itself, but coupled with the blood loss and the shock from his last attempt, it might just be enough. That's what he told himself, anyway.
Taking a deep breath, Sherlock swallowed the pills two at a time until the bottle finally lay empty.
Exhaling, he tried to relax his muscles as he lay back down and wait for the end to come.
YOU ARE READING
Sherlock's secret
FanfictionJohn has found out about Sherlock's self harm and is left baffled as to how to tell Sherlock about his own secret. *TRIGGER WARNING*
