it had been a great night for them, yes, them and only them. We had gone trick n' treating and as usual i got stuck behind with Caroline's clunky boots that were only still on my feet due to the socks stuffed in the front. It gave me blisters and plenty of excuses for when they told me to hurry up. I don't know what I was, I'd like to think I was Frankenstein but I had gotten rid of the green eyeshadow shoved on my face, and there was no time to redo anything so I was stuck as a low budget Katniss.
when we returned to the house, we split our candy and took off our ridiculous makeup. the emotions came flowing when Rachel left. Caroline got upset and maile went after her and I just sat there, not wanting to be an extra. not wanting to be the one who reassured you it was alright because truthfully even I didn't know if either of them were going to make it. At some point Mailes mother came in asking me if I was alright. It saddened me that it had to be her, but I was grateful nonetheless. So I went looking for them, until they were found, behind Mailes bed. Caroline was breaking a sweat talking about her relationships and how hard it was. Maybe it was just selfish of me, but I couldn't stop thinking of my loneliness. How dare she have many wanting to become apart of her life and she still want more. I just wanted someone to love me. Just look me in the eye with admiration and say,"Damn, how'd I get so lucky." But luckily I was someone Caroline had let in, and for that I couldn't be more appreciative. Once Caroline was done talking about Connor, or Logan, or whoever was bound to fall in love with her next, she went to the bathroom. With her she took the company, leaving me with Maile.
Unknown to me, I was crying, and as any friend was supposed to do. "Are you okay?" I wanted to come right out with how I actually felt, but ended seeming like a kiss ass with the most common line I used. "It sucks to see Caroline like this." It was true I did feel concern, but the feeling was like a fish in a large ocean of whatever the fuck is wrong with me. But Maile stayed there just listening to me while I was perched on top of pillows and spools of patterned duck tape. She didn't speak but with her constant head nodding you could tell she was listening. I pushed her shoulder a few times hoping i would get her to say something. The repeated lines of "But how are you?" and the sad smiles never got her to say something. To disrupt the tension I went to check on Caroline that was still in the bathroom. She said she was okay but the unusual high tone of her voice told me something. I wasn't bold enough to point it out, but at the same time I can't talk to a Walmart cashier so every thing fucking sucks. We ended with me on a couch while the other two were having fun watching Zombieland like best friends are supposed to. Only known to me, i wasn't apart of this until i force this act that makes me seem stupid. The next rainy morning we went to this park all disheveled due to the previous night. We got our pants wet and didn't forget to rid of our energetic dry eyes for tired damp ones. As every sleepover goes, I regret the whole thing and wished I had just stayed home. 10 31 15
