This was the best answer. She didn't care who would be sad or who loved her. She couldn't handle it one bit. Not anymore. She spent years not being able to feel loved or fit in. When she was younger, she thought everything was going to be okay. She'd get back up after falling in hopes of being able to try again and do it right. She thought it was how people always said, "there would always be a rainbow after it rained."
Now that she wasn't that cute, little, carefree five year old, she understood what it meant to fail time and time again without the opportunity to get back up. People knew her and would respond happily to her 'hello's but it's not like she would be remembered by those who once knew her well enough.
It was never easy to tell if she was ever sad. Angry or tired, yes. She was always so optimistic, like making another person or persons happy was her life goal.
She wondered every night as she looked up at the stars from her window, what would become of those around her if she were to suddenly perish. It didn't matter anymore though. Endless tears would fall occasionally as she remembered how others around the world had it worse. It mattered, right? Living the way she was, it couldn't be too bad. That's what she thought at first.
Being the eldest and an only child of a different father, she was always an outcast in her family. High expectations were held for her. She was always the best of the best out of all of her cousins and rest of the family. Her aunts, uncles, cousins, and step family looked at her as if she were a stranger; they looked at her as if she were unbelonging to what they believed was their little clan.
As she got into high school, things began to get more rough. Her mother started school once more. Her mom was now able to have a daughter old enough to care for the family as work and school got in the way. The daughter was always cleaning, watching the kids, and cooking when her lazy step father didn't choose to cook unhealthy foods or order pizza.
She juggled a life of an adult and a student in the midst of finding herself as a person. Again and again, she'd find a boy she thought she could depend on and find solace in his warm embrace. It never worked out. She would never end up having time for a lover and he'd get fed up. Not long after the demise of her relationships, she would watch her ex lover find someone much better than her and live a happier relationship than she ever was able to provide.
In her second to last year of high school, that's when she gave up. Being persistent wasn't easy. It was a jolly holiday for most, where many would happily get drunk and celebrate the coming of the new year. Not her, she knew there would be drunk drivers everywhere, and she decided to take her car out for a long drive.
After a long while, she turned in an intersection only to be slammed into by a drunk driver who went at his red light. The car collided with the driver's side, her side. She smiled as she was finally able to perish from the cruel world before blacking out into the deep abyss death. The darkness kissed her skin, letting the warmth quickly escape as did the life that she once had. Finally, she found her rainbow.
~~~
A/N: Short, but I didn't want any dialogue or names to restrict the feelings you all have. I really hope this all was satisfying for anyone in need of just angst.
