Misunderstanding.

What happened

The sky appears a little bit sadder tonight as I lay despairingly on the floor, half breathing, while clutching my phone in my hand seeming to hold on to it miserably for dear life. The staccato rhythm from the splatter of the rain seems to sense the unsettling feeling inside me as the gleaming waterworks finally raced down staining my cheeks joining the evening as it weeps. I couldn't help the remorse gnawing at my heart, squeezing me tight, resulting for me to choke on my own tears.

I vividly remembered his hazel brown eyes twinkling with mischief, his tousled jet black hair sticking up in every way, his effortless elegance in the way he carried himself, and his alluring charisma which I had so hopelessly fell for. We were a team once, Peter and I. We were as inseparable as the poles of a magnet. We were the golden couple of our batch. We were undeniably deeply and madly in love with each other - until a couple of months ago.

It was the way he slowly distance himself from me that had me doubting and questioning whether what we had was real. His unsubtle late responses, faraway looks, and constant excuses to be anywhere but near me arisen the creeping fear of being left alone inside me that caused me to burst out in hysteria.

"Goddamit! Just tell me what's bothering you, Peter. I couldn't take another second of your moping self. Is it me, huh? Are you growing tired of me? Am I being too clingy? Am I nagging you all the time? Please just tell me what's going on. I'll fix it- no, we'll fix it. Together, right? You promised me we'll never leave each other."

I recalled thinking about how my mascara and eye liner must have smudged as droplets of tears flowed down my face. Now I thought of how shallow I had been that moment, breaking down and bawling, pleading, begging, kneeling down on my knees to keep him from leaving.

He smiled then. Just a small twitch at the corners of his lips, his hazel eyes glinting with unmistaken shrewd. As if seeing me burst out in jealousy somehow amuses him. And then nothing. In a blink his face went blank, lacking emotion. Again, I have no clue as to what he was thinking or what was happening to him. It had driven me crazy, I remembered. How quickly he composed and closed off himself from me.

"I met someone, Andrea."

The walls of the future I had imagined collapsed right before my eyes. I completely zoned out and hid under the covers and safety of my own world. A world where there's Peter and there's me- together. I didn't bother listening to the rest of his goddamn explanation, because I thought by doing so I'd just have to rub salt over my open wounds. And I'm already hurting, there's too much pain in what he said it's blinding my ability to reason out with myself. So I ran; I did exactly what a coward would do.

Weeks has passed and as time continues to fly by I've let myself succumb to the endless grief he gave me. I've welcomed the hurt shooting all the way from the pit of my heart and as another week passed I'd felt numbed to the ache already. But the twinge of sadness and depression was soon replaced by a much more damning feeling. Whenever I think of Peter, I think also of ways on how I could and would hurt him back. I seek retribution. I want retaliation. Payment for the pain he caused. Plotting. Scheming. Raging. How could he do this to me? How could he look for somebody else? How could he let me be? The tears pooled at my eyes and shattered me once again to pieces. And I swore that moment to be the very last time I'd ever cry for him.

One night, as the crows watched in their usual spots under the shades of trees; in the misty night that suggests of pouring rain in the future, I walked briskly ignoring the scrutinizing gazes of the stars who'll soon be witnesses of the crime I'll certainly regret. Languidly walking the five-block distance apart between our homes, the wind seemed to whisper into my ear, caressing my delicate features, making my eyelashes flutter, reminding me of the darkness looming just under my eyes. I smiled genuinely at it.