She

It was at that time. When I saw her in that state, then I understood many things. Seeing her in weakness made me realize that she really needed me, a simple hug wasn't enough to satisfy that need that began as an empty and today was a vice. Attention, the greatest vice. Love, the maximum addiction. She was addicted, to my shy manhood, to my exalted silence, my false impregnable security, my hidden hypocrisy, my twisted reality, she was addicted to me.

As usual, I didn't know what to say and she just claimed to me. A protest for my absent presence in every moment of her life. She reproached her manifest existence and my latent rejection. She cried and screamed, pouring her grief in tears over me. I looked her eyes full of suffering and emptiness in unison that the crystalline ocean ran through her smooth hot desert.

Why? How it was that there was some feeling for a beast like me? How could a person who had to endeavor to invade my privacy with the innocent excuse to engage in relationship? Why I took it as an invasion? All my life I've been alone and suddenly she appears, breaking paradigms, creating paradoxes in my ideology and my life. I do not understand the interest, do not understand the desire to love but also to be loved. She is looking for love in me and just dig out weapons of mass destruction. Unprecedented nuclear bombs materialized buried at the moment of my birth. Bombs with sporadic activation and accidental cancellation. But remembering ... These impulses of neutralization not scheduled, were for her?

Why I was even doubting it?

"Sorry" I said with uncertain pause

She burst into tears and started beating my chest over and over. I was trying to keep my balance. Not to step back, she didn't hit hard but she occupied the whole weight of her being. And she was a being with a lot of weight on suffering. How could such a small and weak person can hold so much pain and the respective strength to go on? Pain? Suffering? I saw it. Then I saw a glimmer of what I thought I was deprived since my conception. A feeling... positive or negative... it was there ... and it was mine. It belonged to me.

An inexplicable urge drove me to hug her as hard as my surprise could afford. Not because I understand her pain, but because I felt her pain...

For the first time in my life, I felt.