ashley woke up piSSED OFF. he was mad at the world and decided to take his anger out by licking 9 volt batteries.
WOW I NEED SOME PUSSY, ASHLEY THOUGHT TO HIMSELF
ashley dug through his closet and found a 12 pack of monster energy drinks. he carried them outside to his jetta. upon looking to his right, he saw his totally hot housewife neighbor outside the apartment complex who was bending over to tend to the flowers. oooooooooooh my goddddddddddddddddd ashley thought, he should have masturbated when he woke up. now he was angry and horny.
ashley walked past his neighbor and purposely tripped over the tiny fence circling the flower bed. he fell to the ground and made sure to drop the 12-pack on his shin. He began writhing in pain, whining, like a baby puppy.
'oooooh my gosh you poor thing, are you okay?' asked shelby in an overly sympathetic manner, getting down on her knees to examine ashley's leg.
'i'll be okay, i guess,' ashley mumbled while staring at shelby's breasts.
'goshh, there, there,' shelby said while hugging ashley.
ashley buried his face in her chest. shelby hugged him more and then began to pull away. ashley then, inconspicuously managed to use a safety pin from his pocket to stab himself with. he then began crying profusely. shelby began to hug him harder and tell him everything would be okay.
ashley always did this with women. he had been hurting himself for attention for as long as he could remember. as a child, running into tables with his head, manipulating other children into throwing leggos at him so he could cry to the teacher. His mother had been slightly abusive, pouring mountain dew in his eyes, calling him a faggot, trying to drown him and such. so he spent his whole life searching for a mother figure in any woman he came across really.
suddenly ashley got off the ground and shoved shelby to the side. he drove down the road in his gay jetta 30 miles over the speed limit tazing himself and guzzling 7 monsters on an empty stomach to his friends, Matts' house.
suddenly a big squirrel comes and delivers packages to Matts' house. Ashley veers his trash ass jetta to the side to avoid the giant squirrel that falls out of the sky landing directly in the center of Matts' driveway. Matts pull open their garage door. The squirrel releases a giant package that spills DMT all over the driveway that Matts use to contact their reptilian brethren. Matts gesture a 'thanks' to the giant squirrel which roars and tramples and trips its way into the forest behind Matts' house.
Matts notice Ashley and a look of pure, raw anger emerges on their gay face. "Where the fuck are our anime boxsets, you fucking asshole????????????" Matts drag Ashley out of the car, through the garage and into the basement that doubles as BDSM playroom. Matts put on their fursuit.
'My life feels like a poorly written wattpad story,' Ashley reflects as he tazes Matts and runs into the forest without any clothing.
I think its time to end this shit before it gets any worse; Ashley tries to kill himself with medical heroin but gets eaten alive by a giant drug dealing squirrel before it really kicks in ayy lmao.
