The water beats down on my bare back, choked sobs fill the air drowned out by the pounding of water. The air starts to seem heavy and hard to breathe, as if every breath is slowly constricting my lungs.
I stare endlessly at the small metal object in my hand, carefully holding it as a mother would her child. This object is my life line, the only thing that keeps me sane in my life. I turn over my life line watching as the water bounces off of it and into random directions. A poor excuse for a laugh finds its way out of my lips as I think of all the beautiful damage this one small object can do. And it's damage I deserve.
I slide the sharp side of my beautiful destruction device across my finger tip, seeing if it is still sharp enough to do the job. As a small bead of red forms, a small smile tugs on my lips. Lifting my left forearm I quickly jerk the blade across, relishing in the delightful pain it caused. A sigh escapes my throat as I bring the razor down on my arm again, and again, and again, making plenty of cuts ranging from small to long marking from my elbow to my wrist. Once I feel my left arm has enough delicious punishment I gently pass my razor to my left hand and begin the process over on my right forearm.
As I come to my senses, I realise just how much damage I caused myself, I choke on my breath and the steam from my shower seems to grow thicker, slowly constricting my throat as a snake would it's prey. It feels as if the foggy tendrils are wrapping around my throat, cutting off all oxygen. I drop the disgusting blade and slam my back against the wall of the shower for support. I grab my throat, trying to pry off the imaginary tendrils so I can breathe again. Slowly, I regain the ability to breathe, although it feels as if I'm being stabbed every time I do so. As I take another painful breath all I smell is metallic sent of my own blood, it clings to my nostrils making me sick.
My eyes dart left to right frantically, trying endlessly to find a way out of this horrific sent. My gaze lands on the door, but I don't advance. I can't advance. What lays outside that door scares me, it's a chance someone will find out, and I can't have that. The water starts to turn cold and I have an idea, a painfully obvious idea.
As my eyes slither down to my now red wrists, the sight makes my stomach turn. Clutching my abdominal area I throw up in the tub, the water washing away what little comes up. Panting, exhausted from continuous dry heaving and the sight of my blood, I stand on my wobbly legs. I lean against my showers wall.
Shaking knees feeling like jell-o, I slide my back down the wall of my shower and let out more body-racking sobs. Holding my arms out, forearms up, I let the showers pulsing streams clean the red life liquid off of them. I wince as the sprays make their way into the fresh cuts. I pull them back as water gets into a particularly sensitive area, making a small pained noise that doesn't make it past the back of my throat.
Shutting the water off, I quickly dry my pale skinny frame, slipping on some grey boxers, maroon skinny jeans, and a plain white tee-shirt. I shake out my sandy blonde hair and decide to let it do whatever the hell it wants. I open the drawer next to the sink and pull out some new bandages and hydrogen peroxide. I sprays said hydrogen peroxide on my new additions to the collection of cuts on my arms and wrap them up, so they don't stick to my Batman sweater.
After wrapping my now cut arms I tug on mentioned trademark grey and yellow Batman sweater, zipping it halfway up, exposing my white V-neck.
After I brush my pearly whites I look in the mirror. My clear green eyes look tired And worn down, my lips pulled into a frown. Overall I looked exactly how I felt, depressed. Sighing I did the one and only thing I'm good at, I made my eyes light up with 'happiness' and forced a 'care free' smile and bounce on my heels a bit, giving myself a bit of a mental pep talk.
Smirking and giving an exaggerated wink to myself I whisper "You can do this Alex," I start to walk out my bathroom after slipping on some black vans and mumble "you can't let them know."
After all, we all have secrets.
~~~*~~~
I know it's short but other chapters will be longer, I promise.
Thoughts on this so far?
-Chelsey
YOU ARE READING
We All Have Secrets (BxB)
Teen Fiction"Of course you don't know!" I scream tears cascading down my now red cheeks like waterfalls "I didn't because you never told me" he says quietly, tracing the patterns of my scars and the new cuts on my forearm, sending suppressed shivers down my spi...
