Act of Mercy

Cas, I'm Sorry.

Dean had texted Cas to meet him at his place ASAP. When Cas started bombarding him with texts and voice mails asking if everything was okay, Dean shut off his phone and buried his face in his pillow. There was no way this was going to be easy. Or end well. Telling his family that he was leaving was one thing. His almost father, Bobby, couldn't have been prouder. But Cas was different. Cas had all these plans of moving in after graduation and going to college together. This whole time Dean knew. He knew it wouldn't happen. That it couldn't happen. But he couldn't this go on any further. Not only was he leaving in just over a week, but he couldn't stand to keep lying to Cas any more.

Dean hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep until the door bell rang. Dean groaned and got out of bed and shuffled to the front door. He couldn't open it. As soon as he did Cas would know something was up. Cas always knew when something was wrong with Dean.

"Dean?" Cas said from outside. "I know you're there, I can see your shadow, dummy. Let me in." Cas said. He tried to sound like he was okay but Dean could tell that there was worry in his voice.

Without a word Dean opened the front door and as soon as he did Cas was all over him.

"Dean are you? Whats wrong? Is Sam alright?" He asked looking over Dean as if he was checking for injuries. 

"Cas. Cas, I'm fine." Dean said feeling his voice shake with nerves. "We just..we have to talk." Dean said as he grabbed Cas's hand and brought over to the couch and sat them both down.

"Oh gosh Dean..Please don't say it..Oh I knew this was going to end event-" Cas started rambling as he squeezed Dean's hand tightly.

"No no Cas hold on. I'm not breaking up with you." Dean said softly with a gentle smile on his face. God but that would be the easy way out.

"Oh..Then what is it?" Cas asked loosening his iron grip on Dean's hand.  "Are you alright? It looks like you haven't even slept." Cas said worriedly as he studied Dean face.

"I haven't...I've been too worried about telling you... Im leaving Cas..Not you..But.." Dean stopped for a moment trying to collect in his head what he was going to say to Cas. "Remember how I was gone for a few months over the summer?"

Cas nodded, " Yeah you went to go help Bobby while Jodie was having her knee surgery."

"Well uh..I didn't go-" Dean said ashamed.

"You what? Where did you go then? Why didn't you tell me, Dean?" Cas asked urgently.

"Cas I'm sorry...I went to basic training...I was talking to you about joining at the beginning of the year.." Dean started. At this point Cas had stopped breathing, and looking at Dean all together. "I knew how against it you were.. I didn't want to hurt you Cas.." Cas didn't answer, he just closed his eyes and tried to find the strength to breath. "Cas I'm sorry. It's not like I have any other options! Graduation is tomorrow and not a single college has gotten back to me. I-I just didn't know what to do.."

"You could have told me Dean." Cas said, barely a whisper. 

"I know...I should have told you Cas, I'm sorry." Dean said softly. "Cas, look at me." It took a moment for Cas to look at Dean. 

"I love you. Me being away will never change that." Dean said trying to assure Cas that everything was going to be alright.

"I love you too." Cas said before kissing Dean softly for a moment. "When do you leave?" Cas whispered, just far enough away from Dean so that that their lips don't brush when he talks.

"Three days."

Cas whimpered quietly. "For how long?"

"I don't know. They won't say."

"Where are you going?" Cas choked.

"Arizona. Two weeks before we head out someplace else. But My recruiter said I'll be back by Christmas." Dean said trying to assure Cas.

"Infantry?"

Dean nodded.

Cas took a moment to catch his breath. This was worse case scenario for him. "Dean Winchester, If you get yourself killed, I'm Gonna go psycho on your ass in the afterlife." Cas said trying to act like he wasn't completely dying inside.

"I won't Cas, I promise."