The Contradiction of Living

V

The climax of the story approaches. Do you feel it building with every word and letter I type? You see, we're almost finished. The scars have started to fade a bloody lines rest over them and soon we'll be done, my purpose is almost fulfilled.

First, though, you must understand hat there's a difference between beads and rivers, nay, oceans. Beads are sweet reminders, like gentle kisses from a lover. Oceans are what you either fear or long for, so when you hit that perfect spot and you can feel it rip, you've started an ocean.

I hope you never feel it. You might've destroyed me but you're far too good to ever deal with this type of pain. The world is spinning my dear, faster and faster, the lights are flickering and my fingers are numb.

My heart rate is slowing with every pulse of blood gushing from me, and the clattering of my blade to the floor seems so distant. It can't possible be real.

Would you like to know how far gone I am? I smiled as I made that final cut. I looked at my reflection and smiled like I knew something it didn't. I really did, you know. I knew this was coming. I've always known.

You always used to ground me, make me feel like everything was going to be okay. I don't feel it anymore, the smiles slip farther and farther away. I've realized that I'm fighting a losing battle so I've stopped trying.

In the end, though, that means you lose, doesn't it, though? Because I'm nothing but a messenger. That's the big secret. I'm a gift, from you to your lover, your temptress, your God.

I can see you, now. You say they always like the pretty things best. I scoff, because I am not pretty. I am worn down and scarred and beaten by your cruelty, but still I cannot hate you. You smile as you send me away. You say I'll like it better than this, but I've learned by now I cannot trust a word you say.

My bathroom tiles disappear from my eyes, and a new voice sighs. They say I was not meant for this. I say life got the best of me, and their hand wraps gently around my wrist. They say that there are lies in life that are made to destroy us. They say the mirror is a trick and the people are kind.

I ask why you've done this to me, and they shake their head. They say it attacks the best of us, that this game is not one we are meant to win. I protest that it wasn't a game, it was my life. They smile sadly as they inform me that's it all just a game to be played out by the higher powers.

Then they show me you, in all your beautiful cruelty with no regard for others. They tell me of your power, but how much you care for them. They tell me that I am one of your gifts to them that they never wanted.

They told me that one day your reckless abandon will catch up to you, and all your work will be undone in the reckoning. I am silent. I don't want to go back to that illusion, that lie, and the truth of it terrifies me. So now I write to warn you. Your gifts will over run you if you continue. You cannot keep defiling the world with your ridiculous thoughts of love.

In another time you might've been a beautiful thing, but now, Life, you're nothing but an illusion people don't even believe in anymore. You've wasted yourself, Life, and in doing so, you've ruined me. But I'm not like you. I believe in fair battlegrounds.

You're a beautiful lie, Life, and while Death may be a painful truth, all lies collapse in the end.

Sincerely,
Your greatest admirer and worst enemy