Welcome To My Disasterland.

I awoke in the hospital to the beeping of my heart monitor for the third time. It didn't work...again. My third suicide attempt. You'd think I get it right by now, huh? Well, I can't seem to get it. The last thing I remember is sliding the blade harshly against my pale wrists and watching as every vein separated and the crimson red blood seeped down my arm. Laying in the luke warm water with pajama shorts and a tank top on. The door had been locked. I was certain. How did they find me again? Or at least how'd find me in time? They were supposed to be gone until morning. They were at my little sister's softball tournament.

"Abriella? Are you awake?" I heard my little sister voice behind the curtain.

I replied with a faint "Yeah," as I looked down at the bandages on both my arms. As I sat up, the pressure I put on my wrists ached. Yeah, they were deep this time. I glanced over to the curtain as it drifted open. My dad, step-mom, my two brothers, and my sister appeared. Both brothers had tears in their eyes as they glanced at their own baby sister laying in a hospital bed with slits up her wrists.

"Hey Mutt," my older brother, Devin, said with a fake smile. Mutt was my nickname for him. He'd given it to me when we were both young after I was convinced I could be a puppy.

"Hey," I half heartedly laughed.

Then Christina, my step-demon, interrupted, "Bri, why would you do this again?"

I completely ignored her and asked my little sister how her tournament ended.

She glanced up, she almost looked frightened. "It..it was cancled. We got there and there was lightening, so we couldn't play. Then we just came home.." she trailed off into a mumble.

"Oh, well. Was the drive fun?" I was hoping to make her smile.

"The drive was fun, but arriving home to my sister bleeding out in the bathtub was even better," said my oldest brother, Isaiah, in the most smug, sarcastic tone known to man. I looked up at him standing by the window. He glanced back out to the parking garage as a tear rolled down his cheek.

Then my dad had his words.

"Babe, will you take Isaiah, Devin, and Anna to the cafeteria? They need to eat and I need to talk to Bri," he winced to my step mother.

She nodded her perfectly, primped head and picked up my sister and motioned for the boys to get out. As soon as the door closed behind them, my dad looked at me with a dimming fire in his eyes.

"Abriella, how could you do this to us again! It's so selfish of you!"

"Okay," I said. I didn't feel like arguing or getting hit, "You're right. I'm sorry."

"You said that last time! I have half the mind to put you in the Looney Bin, you crazy-"

"That's enough, dad," Isaiah walked in. Isaiah was bigger then my dad now. At least three inches or more.

"You're not going to talk to Bri like this. Not now. She's in here partly because of you."

My dad opened his mouth to say something, but Isaiah gave a look as if saying "I dare you" and my dad closed his lips. He looked from me to Isaiah about twice then walked out of the room.

Isaiah sighed then sat down at the end of my bed. He wouldn't look at me, so I knew he was close to tears.

"Sis," he voice shook, "Why would you do this again?"

I felt tears well up in my eyes, "Because I'm filled with too much pain. I don't even feel alive anymore. I feel empty. Emotionless," as I said this I thought of every night I laid awake in my bed at four in the morning crying silently to myself and praying to the God I don't believe in that it'd be over soon.