I woke up, feeling the sunrise through my skin. I've always feeling this way, like why do I have to feel this way? I may sound too emotional or a psycho, but that's what I actually feels everytime I woke up. Wishing that never wake up.. Ever again.
I scanned the place. I can see the white curtains dancing with the wind, the small light bulb, and ofcourse the smell of hospital.
I'm right. I am here again in the place where I don't want to, but I need to. This place makes me sick that anytime soon I'll be just escaping away from this haunted hospital, the nurses and the doctors.. I just want to escape life.
Someone knocked the door and suddenly opened by.. My mom.
She gave me a faint smile while putting all the foods she brougt for me. Suddenly, the dragon in my stomach starts to shout.
Mom laughed. "My baby is hungry. Don't you?" I just gave her a weak smile and nod. She gave me a chicken sandwich she made because she knows how much I love her sandwich.
"How's my baby girl?" She asked while caressing my long brown hair. I have natural curls on its tips, by the way.
"Fine. Just a little bit dizzy."
I lean on my mom right after eating. I feel so full and it feels better than ever.. With your mom caressing your hair like you're still her 'baby girl', singing lullaby that she thought would help you entering the dream land. Her kiss, her hug, her touch, everything about her, just makes me feel so comfortable. That I could just live in it forever. But that doesn't work that way.
"Mom?" I called her.
"Hmm?"
"Can I ask you a question?" I said looking up at my mom. She smiled and nod her head. "Sure, honey."
"Am I going to die?" The words instantly goes out of my mouth, not wanting to look at my mom.
"What kind of question is that?! Ofcoursr not, Eleanor! My gosh!" Tears started to stream down her face.
"I-I'm sorry mom, I-I didn't mean what I said, gosh!" I said, panicking, not knowing how will I stop mom from crying.
"Silly you." Mom laughed. Suddenly, I felt relieved.
"Sorry mom."
"Okay. Just.. Just don't ask me again about that, okay? I-It makes me sick." I could see through her eyes that she's going to cry any moment but trying to hold it back just for me. She knows that I don't want to see her crying. I might cry, too.
"Promise." Crossed my heart.
I suddenly felt sleepy in a moment. "Mom, I'm sleepy."
"Oh, okay. Sleep now my baby." I closed my eyes, as she sings my favorite lullaby when I was a little, the time when I don't have to face the shit of life.
They named me Eleanor Harris but they're calling me El for short. I am 17 years old, and I am gonna turn 18 next year. I don't have a normal life like any teenage girls out there. Since the day I turned 12, everything has changed.
I remember when I was arguing with Matt because he was calling me a freak because I have glasses. That's why I freaked oit and call him 'dirty mat' the whole day just to pissed him off. I was twelve back then and he was, I think, thirteen. We're friends, but enemies as well.
"Hey, Lea." I looked around, seeing Mr. Dirty Mat, smiling at me. I was really surprised that he called me 'Lea' (the name he calls me, because he thinks that El is too short and Lea sounds really beautiful) and not some kind of 'freak' or 'freaking bitch'. Well, sort of, I like the way he calls my name.
