The "TRUTH" : Book 2

I would have never thought my mind would ever be as dark as it is now

The worst part is when someone says they understand and you know they don't so you just smile and roll your eyes

You don't want to be rude so you tell them a lie and they believe you

I hate it when I tell people I'm OK and then I cry to myself because I know I'm not

I hate it when people look at my scars and assume I'm a suicidal bitch

I hate smiling all day
I hate it when i have to try to be happy

I hate it so much

I'm afraid of going back to school
I'm afraid that people might judge me
I'm afraid of telling them

"hey guys sorry I've been out for so long but I'm transgender and I want to be called a he"

I'm afraid that people might bully me twice as much
I'm afraid everyone will leave me and my so called friends would treat me like a rag doll
Pushing me around and dragging me at their feet

I'm insecure
Depressed
Sad
Angry
Irritated
Lonely
Ugly
Different
Girl
"Boy"

I take a pen and draw patterns on my leg to avoid self harm
And......
I cry everyday

I wish it was as easy as I imagine but it sucks and the feeling inside me can't be explained

Every word I say Is like a pulse i have to be cautious and if I say the wrong thing I miss a pulse and there is a higher chance of my awaited death

It's kind of crazy how people think I'm that one girl who can't shut up in class or that girl who is so sad that she was already dead or that one girl who is always with the counselor at lunch

I can never just be "Kay"

Hundreds of labels are burned on my skin and flesh and it hurts so bad but no one ever fucking cares

So why do is waste my time trying to be perfect if all I am is "that one girl who..."