little lady (halsey)

f o u r ~ thinking must be an understatement

there was an understatement of the word thinking. my mind didn't think about her. my mind was wrapped around every single part of her body, from head to toe, from flesh to bone. it clutched to every little word she spoke, like her way of saying "you" meant more than just "me". the way her charm could pull in anyone into this mesmerizing spell, it had pulled my mind right into that spell. overthinking and mind blowing. the word thinking was not enough for this woman. admire? no, more like... adore.

could that possibly be it? that i adored her hazel eyes? her long turquoise curls? her cracking smile and the little freckles on her cheeks? the care in her voice and her choice of words? could i possibly be adoring someone that i didn't even know?

it would be lying if i said no. because right now, my mind was nowhere but the fact that someone else was touching her at this right minute. someone elses' hands were clutched around her neck, kissing her soft mouth. tracing paths over her arms and legs, clearing her mind, making her moan. someone else that wasn't me. but someone else that was nina. oh, nina how my heart despised you from the minute i saw you. i didn't know you, i didn't even think of you. i never felt you. but under that glamorous and gorgeous smile, charming and chirpy there was something to dislike. it was maybe just the ego of my jealousy.

i never had halsey, we kissed once. but we were strangers. drunk, empty, lost, and fearful. so what did it really mean? nothing, it didn't mean a great shit until she stumbled into my classroom with her tight fitting jeans and elegance in her words. i didn't feel anything until i lied.

lies. they had always been there, even if i didn't take them as a big deal, they were. maybe lying about your new years kiss didn't mean a thing, but lying because you were scared of the truth yourself. that'd be a bigger deal.

-

"hey, faye." a very familiar voice called my name.

my jacket was tightly swept around my body and my arms were hugging myself to keep me from the cold. i looked up at the boy, his hair dark and messy, nose red of cold and eyes slightly watery. it was the best sign of an ice cold winter.

"aaron." i said, smiling at him.

"are you going home?" he asked, i nodded my head. feeling quite shy in his presence but the silence was comfortable. bearable. "would you mind if i keep you company?"

"not at all." i god thanked for my cheeks already being red from the chilly air.

"you look cold." he said, sniffling a little.

"and you look sick." i replied, my arms falling down to my sides, suddenly a ghost played by my chest. i shivered.

"i'm okay, just a bit itchy."

i nodded, and looked down at my feet. my shoes were thin and cold, i needed new ones. thankfully the snow wasn't wet and my soles didn't leak in yet. i felt aarons' fingers sliding in between mine and lacing them together.

"i was wondering..." he began, and i looked up at him with wide eyes. trying to hide my smile. "have you figured things out yet?"

i arched an eyebrow at him, but then realised what he meant. "oh." i blushed, "not really."

"uh- okay. sorry i shouldn't have-"

"aaron, it's okay!" i interrupted quickly, squeezing his hand. "it wont bother me today."

"what you mean?" he asked.

i thought about it for a moment. what did i mean? right, halsey went off with some girl a few nights ago. why would i give a damn about what that girl did? i didn't like her, i liked boys. as in aaron. aaron as in the only boy i ever liked. aaron who liked me back, so why was i fighting this? i should just follow him home, make out with him and be happy. like i've wished to be.