War (boy x boy)

War

A/N: The song I'm using for this short story is called "War PT. 2" by Former Vandal. There are some triggering subjects in this story such as suicide and hopelessness. Please read with caution.

Rest easy, fearless warrior. You can sleep now. You can finally calm your bones.

December 31st
Dear Matthew,
It's been three months since we've seen each other. I miss you to say the least. I miss your curly brown hair and your bright blue eyes. I hope you're doing okay back at home. I did notice your scars. You should've told me, but I respect you. I will be home in two days. I love you.
Love, Lucas

Breathe easy, noble savior. Only human, still more valiant than us all. Nobody ever said that victory came without casualties. They say good die young, but they never really tell you that they never die alone.

January 3rd
Dear Matthew,
Why. Why didn't you tell me you were sad? You trusted me, didn't you? I found you. You were dead. You slit your wrist a little too deep. Pills were scattered across the floor. I should've known. I shouldn't have left you. You've suffered for a long time, haven't you, Matt? When I saw you in our room I almost screamed. Almost. I didn't, though. I fell to you. I cried for you. I held you, hoping for it all to be a joke and for you open your beautiful eyes and tell me you loved me. I looked at your cold body. It was covered with deep gashes. You did them yourself? I looked around for your note. You would leave one, wouldn't you? You did. You told me you loved me with written words.
Love, Lucas

We all fall down. Bury a bit of our soul six feet under ground. If you die, then we die with you.

January 10th
Dear Matthew,
Well, there you are. In a dark oak casket. Six feet below my feet. Your mom and I were the only ones at your funeral. She cried. She misses you. She held my hand through the whole ceremony. I couldn't cry. I wish I would've, though. I don't know what to do anymore. She thanked me. For what? I let you die. I let you think you were all alone in this fucked up world. It's not fun anymore, Matt. All I did was nod at her. What else could I do? I love you, Matthew.
Love, Lucas

Save me. I think we ran out of time. You said you'd come for me when the world swallowed me whole. But the war is over and there are fallen soldiers.

January 20th
Dear Matthew,
Ten days. Ten whole fucking days you've been gone. It's hard to cope with you not being on this planet anymore, Matt. I can't stop myself from crying over you every night. The house is quiet without you playing your stupid video games all night. Even the cat knows something's not right. I've started to cut, Matthew. Exactly where you used to do it. I got fired from my job today too. From failure to show up. I can barely move anymore. I can barely write you this useless letter. Is this how you felt, Matthew? Your mom comes over a lot now. She told me it was her fault. She said she should've known, being your mother and all. She can't sleep, Matthew. As can I. It's cold. Our bed. Our house is cold and dark. I don't think I can last much longer.
Love, Lucas

Rest easy, loyal confidant. We're hallow, we're empty, but we have to carry on. Sleep softly, gentle defender. 'Cause I will die fighting for the fight you died for.

January 25th
Dear Matthew,
I feel it. I feel everything you felt. I feel done. You were my everything. It's hard, Matthew. How did you handle this for seven years? I've locked myself in our house. No one can come in and no one's getting out. I've run out of food, but it doesn't matter. I've already died. My soul has left. All I need to do is kill my body. How will I? Should I do it the way you did, Matthew? The cowardly way. Slitting my wrist doesn't seem so appealing right now. I've found a full bottle of sleeping pills. Only in my dreams can I see your smiling, happy face. I know what I'll do now. I love you, Matthew.
Love, Lucas

Nobody ever said that victory came without casualties. They say the good die young, but they never really tell you that they never die alone. We all fall down. Bury a bit of our soul six feet underground. If you die, then we die with you.

January 30th
Dear Matthew,
I've done it. I swallowed them all. All sixty-five pills. I'm very tired, Matthew. All I want to do is sleep. I don't think I can even finish this letter to you. Everything is blurry. Not from my tears, but from my upcoming death. I can feel it, Matthew. The relief. I can't wait to see you. I love you, Matthew.
Love, Lucas

Save me. I think we ran out of time. You said you'd come for me when the world swallow me whole. But the war is over. There are fallen soldiers.

Lucas Sauder, age 25 at death, was laid to rest next to Matthew Phillips, age 23 at death, on February 1st. Causes of deaths: took own lives to live again.

A/N: I know that's kind of a hard subject to write about, but I thought the song fit perfectly. I also do not support self-harm in any way, shape, or form, as I've suffered from it before. Suicide is a big problem, as well. If you need anyone to talk to or to vent to, my contact information is in the summary/description. Please feel free to leave an ask or e-mail me.