*A/N* This story was created upon some sad feelings after watching suicidal youtube videos, sad depression songs and suicidal/depression stories. TRIGGER WARNINGS depending upon how bad I've made this story. I just have to get these feelings out. <3 Enjoy...or don't. *Gives everyone tissues* These are for the sad story c: or for crying on how terrible the story is. Either way, you'll need them.
This might be a little rushed because my mom walked in and was all like "Tf u writin? Wat u doin?!" So that was a little embarrassing.
*Reader's P.O.V*
I held my knees and started rocking back and forth as I sat next to a tree in my backyard. I've been hated since I ever could remember. I had to take care of myself in this hell of a world since everyone seemed to abandon me. The worst part in my life wasn't that my parents committed suicide, but because my parents had left me a letter saying I was the reason they committed suicide and how much they regretted ever giving birth to me. I always wondered how I could've lived after that, but I just happened to push through. I've become unemotional and I hardly feel pain anymore unless I want to. I brush it off whenever I feel pain when I don't want to and deal with it my own way.
I tugged on my sweater sleeve, pulling it down to hide my arm. I used to have friends before everyone abandoned me, they claimed it was because they weren't ready to be a victim of bullying yet. I knew it was a lie and kept telling myself it was because they weren't ready to live with such a nuisance. I had to ignore the feeling of wanting to spill all of my feelings out to them, because they were now my enemies. They spit out awful words such as "whore", "ugly bitch", and "waste of time and space".
I sighed, letting only a couple of tears fall from my broken eyes. This was the only place I could let my emotions flow other than on my own at school. It was in my backyard where I left notebooks of drawings and sad stories I decided to write. I picked up my bloodied razor and stuffed it in my sweater pocket and picked up my backpack, pushing myself off the ground. I had to drag myself to school even though I knew the consequences of coming back.
"Oh hey! It's the whore who's too ugly to function!" A voice called out, heads turning to look at me through the crowd and snickering to themselves. I shrugged and walked to class, ignoring every glare of hatred and ugly name calling. I was pushed into a few lockers here and there, but I kept dragging myself to class without another thought. As soon as I opened the door, a textbook hit my forehead and made me hit the ground as it had started bleeding. I rubbed off most of the blood with my sweater sleeve and pushed myself off the ground, walking into the class and taking my seat.
I heard whispers saying "I heard she got pregnant, but decided to have an abortion." "What!? No way." "It's true, she's a baby killer and a slut." "Well, I heard she abuses every friend she makes." "That's terrible!" "Yea.." I had to stop myself from strangling each and every one of those dirty liars, but I didn't want to ruin myself anymore than I already am.
The bell rung, signalling the end of class and it was now lunch for me. I grabbed my lunch and stepped outside, taking in the fresh air. I sat under a dead tree surrounded by a bunch of healthier trees. It reminded me of myself and everyone else around me, so I always sat there during lunch. I opened my lunch bag and nibbled on the small sandwich I had made for myself and sipped slowly at the drink I had packed. I sighed, throwing out the brown paper bag into the garbage next to me.
I slowly reached into my sweater pocket, taking out the sharp razor blade and slipping up my sweater sleeve. I carefully dragged the razor over the other closed cuts, reopening them again. I shivered as I felt the blood trickle down my arm and staining the pristine green grass with red blood. I sniffled to myself as I finished marking my arm, dropping the razor into my pocket. I laid down onto the grass and slowly closed my eyes.
I woke up to shoes meeting my ribs. I didn't do anything, I just let it happen as I looked up to the sky. I couldn't show them that I was in pain because that'd make them even stronger. They soon started to punch and slap, which hurt even more and left bloodied and painful bruises upon my face and body. They then left without another word as I slowly got up, stumbling a bit, but grabbing my things and carefully leaving the school and heading back home.
I saw my other bullies as I tried to sneak past them, hoping they wouldn't see me, but life doesn't always work my way does it? They saw me and started laughing. "You're still here? Why don't you just kill yourself so we don't have to suffer seeing your ugly ass face in this school again?" One of the girls spat at me. 'I'd much like to see you suffer rather than I...' I thought to myself. "What? Gonna cry? I bet you are, god you're such a disgrace. If I were your mother I'd commit suicide too." She yelled at me, pushing me out into the street. Tears then fell and I ran off to my house, slamming the door shut as I grabbed the razor out marking even deeper into my skin, most likely cutting a vein. I didn't care, I just wanted it all to be over. She had taken this too far. So now, I'll just leave this forsaken planet and end it all. I grabbed some rope I had from tying boxes and a small stool as I tied the rope on the ceiling fan and stood up on the stool, pushing my head in the noose. I cried as I thought of all the pain I put myself through and finally kicked the stool over and the fan started turning as well, dragging me as I choked to my death. The fan kept spinning my dead body as some of the neighbors heard my screams and cries and came to investigate, except only finding my lifeless body hanging from a spinning ceiling fan. All the students at the school were informed of my suicide and all my ex-friends cried their eyes out, realizing they had been the cause of my death. The original bullies had wide eyes, never once thinking I'd actually push myself to suicide. In the end, they weren't all happy like they said they'd be, but miserable as they carried the burden of pushing a young girl to suicide.
