Saudade - sequel to Someday

10- She's just a kid!

January 8, 2015

Francesca

Curiosity is Touture. Since I woke up this morning, I have been egar to open up the letter under the bed. I know I need to move on, but I am curious.

What if he is in trouble, and needs help? What if he is dying and he wrote his last words to me? I would never know what was so important that he had to mail something to me from his institution. Hayes always has a reason behind everything.

I could be overthinking, and the letter could be something completely ridiculous. But I will never know.

I sigh, and sit ontop of my hands. I got my cast off yesterday, had it been replaced by a brace.

I use all of my will to stop myself from reading the letter. A knock on my door startles me. I lift my body off of my hands and lay back in a not-so-casual position.

"Hey." Nash says. I force a smile and glance down at the paper that is sticking out from under the mattress. "I was thinking we could-" he stops, and runs towards me. He lifts the mattress and takes the ripped pieces before I could stop him.

"Fuck." I mumble.

"Language!" He scolds. "What is this Fran?" He walks towards my dresser and begins to lay out all of the pieces. It is basically a big puzzle, which apparently wasn't hard to solve because he started reading.

I should've stopped him and said"I didn't read it yet!" , but instead, I listen to the words. The words flowing off of Nash's tongue sounded just like how Hayes would speak.

My heart throbs as I listen.

"I keep writing to you.
They tell me my words are beautiful
I don't know why
Maybe because they're written for you
You're beautiful
But what they don't know
What you don't know
Is I stare at this blank fucking paper
And all I feel is rage
Anger and frustration
Because I write down these things
And it never comes close to what I feel
If actions could be translated to words I would write me shouting in my fucking ear
Because your favorite song came up on my
God damned pandora station again.
I would write me standing in the shower
While the scolding water burns my skin as I
Try to think of the exact moment I lost you.
Then I would write me shutting off the water in total defeat
Because I realized I never epven had you.
I would write how a fire starts in my chest
whenever I see a picture of you and him.
I've never envied him so much before.
I would write how my eyes burn as I
Continue to stare at the god damned ceiling
At 3am missing you.
Being up that late was only fun when you were around.

I wish you were still around.

I don't know how to fucking end this
There's no poetic way to say "I feel like
Fucking shit."

I run my hand through my hair frustratedly, as Nash re-crumpled the paper.

"Why would he do this?" Nash mumbles. He takes a can of my hairspray off of my dresser, and sprays the paper. I scrunch up my face in confusion.

He opens the balcony doors and walks towards my candle, setting the ball on fire.

I gasp, not wanting him to ruin the beautiful note. "Stop! Stop!" I cry as he throws it out the window, then closes, and locks the doors.