Simple Things In Life

Here Comes Goodbye... For Now

Life was good and simple for the next few years. Laughs, fights, makeups; it made us know that we were human, that we were happy. I wouldn't have spent my teenage years any other way. But we were 18 now and life was changing faster than any of us could grasp. It was time for us to figure out what we wanted out of our lives and that was sure to create changes we all may not necessarily want.

I currently moved through my room, packing my belongings into boxes. I should be happy, ecstatic, but I was far from that. My eyes burned with the effort to hold back tears. The day had started off bright and happy, then I the mail came. The letter from UCLA to be more exact; And I was accepted. Joy flooded through me... until I saw Dean's face. No sooner than me looking at him was he storming outside. I followed him unthinkingly like I had done for years.

I was not prepared for what I was about to experience. I'd seen Dean blow up on people before; Whether it be for someone lacking simple common sense or in self defense, I'd seen it many of time, just never had it happen to me... That was was about to change. The universe seemed to align with that; The sun hid behind the clouds, birds had stopped chirping and a wolf howl from the woods could be heard. "Dean, are you okay?" I asked, voice sick with worry. His hand was on the handle of the Impala.

"Let. Me. Go." He growled. His voice was soaked with disbelief and anger.

I was taken aback by his anger and clueless as to where it would have originated from. Dean and I had talked before about moving together, so I was under the impression that that was the plan. "No. What is wrong?" I tugged him away from the car."

"Just go ahead and leave me like everybody else does." He wasn't looking at me but I could tell by the strain in his voice that he was suppressing emotion.

"Dean, I'm not leaving you. You were gonna come with me, remember?" Confusioned and hurt had my voice clouded.

He spun around to look at me, "And leave Sammy and Bobby?" He hissed. His usual bright green eyes were drained of life. He looked more like John in this moment than I liked. "You're not the only person in my life. Get that through your thick head. Life does not revolve around (Y/N). I don't know why I spent all these years sticking around and feeding into that already inflated ego of yours. I could have been out having fun but my dumb self chose to stay home with your boring ass." Tears were slowly falling from my eyes, "Miss. I'm Better Than Everyone Else Because I Don't Party has her feelings hurt? Suck it up, Princess." He said bitterly. "It's called a reality check and you, Miss. Fuck Everyone, friggin needed it. So forget you. Forget California. Forget your stupid little friggin fantasy of us. I'm staying here with my family because real families don't leave each other. I can't believe I ever loved you." The impala door slammed closed and Dean sped off.

I stood there only long enough to numb myself to the pain and dry my tears. I walked inside calmly, passed a shocked Sam and furious Bobby who was calling who I assumed to be Dean.

It's been an hour since Dean blew up on me. I had sorted my things in five piles; Take, Donate, For Bobby, Trash, and Dean's. In my numb state, I decided that if he wanted little to do without memories, than I wasn't going to try to hold on.

I was currently packing the stuff I decided to take, my back to my door. I was unaware of Dean watching me and of his tears stained face. After neatly packing the clothes and very few possessions that didn't have a lingering memory of Dean, I moved to my trash. I grabbed the stack of pictures and went to throw them away, but a hand grabbed my elbow, stopping me.

"What are you doing?" Dean's voice came weakly. I stood there numbly as he took the photos, "What all have you thrown away?" Then he took the trash bag and started shuffling through it. Everything. I threw away everything; Pictures, drawings, concert tickets we kept, a scrapbook from our childhood. I glanced at Dean to see tears swelling in his eyes. "Why did you throw it all away?"

"If you regret it, what's sense of me trying to remember it?" I whispered. "I'm not being desperate and clingy. It's memories that obviously should never have been made." My fist were balled around nothing, my jaw clench as an effort to stop my tears. "Why remember someone who acted the whole time?"

"Acted?" He sounded bewildered, "I didn't friggin' act! You were-are the best thing that happened to me. I didn't mean what I said earlier, (Y/N), you've got to believe me." His voice was pleading and he was standing in front of me now. "I'm just..." He struggled to find the words, "I'm scared, (Y/N)."

"Scared?" I asked, anger bubbling in me, "You're scared? Of what? Of finally growing up? All these years of wanting to be on our own and now we finally can and you're sc-"

"THAT'S NOT WHY I'M SCARED!" He blew up suddenly, eyes widening when he realized his volume, "That's not why I'm scared," He started over, "I'm scared that.... that you'll go to school with all these new people, all these people with ambitions and plans, and you'll realize..." He was getting choked up now, "You'll realize you deserve better. Than I'll have no one who needs me anymore."

I blinked a little confused, "Dean, I always need you. You're my best friend, I can't go through a day without yo-"

"You're just saying that. Everyone just says that. Dad said that, and I haven't seen him in years. Sam says that yet he gets friggin embarrassed when I picked him and his date up. Bobby says that yet he doesn't even let me alone in the house alone and I'm 18!"
"DEAN!" I snapped, "Just stop already. Just because they may not show that they need you doesn't mean I don't. I have troubles sleeping if we're not in the same bed, I took care of you when you were sick, I /cried/ in your arms. I need you whether you want to believe it or not."

He wavered for a moment, obviously battling with himself. I chewed my lip and made a decision I wasn't sure if I wanted to choose. "Maybe we should take a break," I whispered, watching as his face fell. "I love you, Dean, I always will..." I ran a hand through the side of his hair, "And you're the last thing I want to leave behind. Hell, I was to drag you to class with me... But... Maybe we need to figure out some stuff alone." He was shaking his head now, tears starting to fall from his eyes. "So, here comes goodbye," I pressed my lips to his softly before turning and packing my pictures into my 'Take' box and carrying it out. I loaded up in Bobby's- now my- truck and turned to hug Bobby and Sam goodbye.

I headed on my way to California, watching as the old metal junkyard and endless forest turned to small pinpoints behind me and I watched as my whole life opened up on the highway... my other half left behind. I'd be back, I could feel it already.