Pounding. That seems to be all I hear anymore. It follows me...everywhere. It gets louder, the more people I am around. Like I am standing alone on the edge of a cliff. The pounding, screaming in my head, pushing me closer and closer to the edge. The pounding isn't just my problem. No it's much more than that. The pounding is just a cover, a cover of what is really happening. I would tell someone, but they would never believe me. For if they did,they would send me away. No, I can't let that happen. I promise though, to tell someone, before it's too late. Even though I fear that, that time may be coming up very soon. 'They' are driving me to a point where I believe everything they say. They taunt me, making me weak. They keep me lying awake at night,wondering where the hell I went wrong. They have convinced me to believe food is the most disgusting thing in this world. Well, aside from me that is. I try to make them leave, to stop tormenting me, yet they always return. Getting worse each day. All I seem to do now is cry, sleep, (if they let me,) and sing. Crying. everyday when I get home. I cry because I cannot take it anymore. I want it to stop. I want them to leave me alone. I try to fight them off but I am not strong enough. I don't think I ever will be. Singing seems to be the only thing that makes me forget. But now, 'they' are starting to make me believe I am not a good singer. Or ever was. That my voice isn't what I wanted or wished it would be. 'They' tell me to stop, because my voice just brings pain to people.The people just pity me so they say I am good. Pity. I hate it, so much. It just makes everything worse. I'm fine... I can take care of myself. They look at me like I am a helpless little girl. I'll admit, I am, but don't want people to look at me sorrowfully. I want them to save me from this life I call hell. Though only a few people have the power to do that. I've blocked out everyone else. I won't let anyone else in, I cannot risk being betrayed and broken again. If I do, I may just reach my breaking point. Nobody understands what is happening, they are all starting to think this is all some big act. I'm hurting people! I'm slowly crumpling and no one believes me! Nobody understands. When I lay in bed at night, wishing to sleep, and sometime wishing that I would never wake up. I promise I'm not crazy! I don't have a problem, you miust understand this! It's not me! This depressed, sad girl is not me! I've been replaced my someone, something discusting. I'm not the girl I was 2 years ago, and yet I believe I will never see that girl again. I need someone to help me find myself again. But mostly importantly, I want 'them' gone. To leave me alone, forever. They're making me turn into this monster. I can't think clearly right now. For they are back. They are starting to scream at me... Telling me such horrid things. I must apart from you now. I do not know when I shall return, though I am hoping it will be soon. Just remeber... If you don't get anything else out of this, or you are trying to save me...
You can't save someone from themselves...
~Hannah
