Let me share with you a story....
It starts with a girl.
This girl was broken, in the sense that within her soul, many cracks existed, each representing a hurt, betrayal or injustice suffered in silence. But, after many years of ignoring her pains she finally made the decision to fix herself, to overcome the walls she had hidden behind for so many years.
One specific brick in that wall that existed within, was one of her more greater regrets and hurts and was the bases of her lack of, or rather non-existent, self esteem/confidence, call it what you wish.
This brick made it impossible for her to experience those youthful puppy love memories or even the short, but memorable experiences of dating. This was due to that fact that she never could tell, or believe that anyone had such interests in her.
She existed in that state for a number of years, each year icing her heart ever so slightly, and ever so slowly.
All she ever knew was the sad existence of a one-sided love. But such love is painful and it's very existence creates a bitterness that is hard to overcome, even with professional help.
You might now ask how she knew these interests to be one-sided. The answer comes from two certain experiences.
The first, a love from the past, one that had been a tether through the first phase of the bad times. A love some would call a child's game. But still a love that, even one-sided, gave strength and the ability to dream of possibility.
It had lasted nearly five years, whether the other party knew, was questionable and most likely, unlikely. But this would change in the future, at a reunion, a small gathering few attended. To be honest the girl was surprised she had even been invited, she had never been 'one of the crowd'.
It was at this reunion where a game of questions had touched on the past and the crushes experienced in their youth.
It was here the girl foolishly revealed to the other party, who was present at this reunion, how she had felt. I say foolishly because maybe, if she had kept her silence, one less crack in her soul would have needed repair.
Why did it become a crack you may wonder. It is quite simple, all it took was a reaction and the awkward silence that followed, within in it, the simple message that had been conveyed to the girl by the look in the other party's eyes.
To say disgusted is too strong a word to use, so let us say 'discomfort' flowed from the other party like a strong cologne. But it was the look and avoidance that followed that would break a piece of the girl's heart and keep it in eternal darkness. It was a clear message, not only had it been one-sided, but no chance had ever existed, then or now, a chance entertained by those dreams of possibility.
But the past is the past and no one ever forgets their first love, even if it was one-sided.
The party continued, with the game forgotten or ignored and the reunion ended. The girl had never received an invite to other reunions she later discovered had taken place. But this girl was no stranger to isolation, and that crack was already being mended.
We now move to the second experience. But it is here that the girl can not use the word love, the romantic aspects of that emotion are foreign to her, so, for better or worse, we can not use this word. So let us use strong infatuation.
This one had a shorter time-frame. It would be for three years that this girl found herself infatuated with this new 'other party'. But unlike her first one-sided love, this one had no interaction, the irony here was maybe because of the first experience, interaction was avoided. So the girl only watched from a distance, always trying to figure him out, without ever having the courage to actually ask.
