Have you ever looked at someone sabay sabi sa sarili mong.. sayang?
Ako kasi oo.
'Yung tipong hindi mo na mapagtanto kung nasasaktan ka ba o nanghihinayang.
Or both at the same time.
Ganyang-ganyan yung feeling.
Everytime.
Lalo na kapag magkasama silang dalawa.
Kagaya ngayon, kahit madaming tao ang nasa dancefloor, silang dalawa lang yung nakikita ko.
'Yung pagkakahawak nila sa kamay ng isa't-isa, 'yung pagsway-sway, 'yung bawat pagbuka ng mga bibig at pagtawa, 'yung mga panandalian pero breathless na titigan, 'yung mga pasandal-sandal ng bahagya sa balikat-- halatang masayang-masaya sila pareho.
Gusto ko mang pagtawanan ang sarili ko ngayon dahil sa kalagayan kong hindi ko maipaliwanag, hindi ko magawang maisantabi yung panghihinayang na matagal na akong ayaw lubayan.
Kahit sino namang nasa posisyon ko, paniguradong ganito rin ang mararamdaman.
Kasi we almost had it all.
Ako at siya.
Strangers who turned out to like ALMOST all of the same stuffs, and then became friends who shared the exact hate at ALMOST the same things as well.
It almost felt like we were each other's missing piece.
ALMOST.
Then there came the only thing that was so..
out of place.
Something that was so ill-timed.
I can still remember how everything felt.
From the twisting knot in my chest to my heart skipping a couple of beats, to my trembling hands and a chill on my back, and to my face flushing red--all at the same time as I confess to him.
I know it's been months pero whenever I remember that day, I can still hear how the words carelessly slipped out of his mouth.
" Hindi tayo talo. "
That was his last words to me.
Sayang.
Alam kong hinding-hindi na namin maiibalik yung dati.
That's why all I can do is be happy...
para sa lalaking minahal ko
pati sa lalaking mahal siya at minamahal niya.
