Do You Remember Me?

Chapter 12

Chapter 12:
Grimmjow sighed as he sat down next to Ichigo who was sleeping soundly in his bed. The only time the orange head ever looked at ease was in his sleep. It had been almost two months since he'd gotten Ichigo back and to say it had been difficult was an understatement. The first few days had been alright, Ichigo still having a high enough dosage to mask his emotions, but as the dosage was lowered and he began feeling things or even a flicker of anything, he freaked out.
Thinking back to the first time it happened, Grimmjow smiled bitterly.
...
"Ichigo! Come on before the food gets cold!" Grimmjow called, setting two plates on the table before waiting for the other man to come in. After a few moments Ichigo walked in and sat down opposite Grimmjow, picking up a fork to push at the food. "Everything ok?" He asked cautiously and Ichigo just shrugged.
"I'm fine."
"You feel... anything?"
Ichigo paused, setting the fork down and looked up at him with his permanent blank expression. Although Grimmjow would never admit it, seeing no expression on Ichigo's face was killing him, it just wasn't right to see him suffer like this, especially because it was his fault. "No."
Grimmjow stood up and walked over to him, running a hand gently through his orange hair. "You'll get better, I promise Ichi." He looked up at him, brown eyes looking at him desperately and without thinking, Grimmjow bent down and kissed Ichigo gently. Ichigo stiffened and he started to pull back but the man grabbed his shirt, pulling him back down to kiss him back.
It was insatiable, after so long without Ichigo, the simple kiss was intense as hell for Grimmjow. He cupped the back of Ichigo's neck, deepening the kiss and the younger man moaned, reaching up to grab his shirt. Suddenly though, he shoved Grimmjow away, successfully breaking contact with him and stood up, backing away from the room.
"Ichi?" Grimmjow asked quietly reaching out to touch him but stopped when Ichigo shook his head, eyeing his hand with wide eyes and shied away. "It's ok, I'm not going to hurt you."
"D-don't do that again." Ichigo replied weakly, running a shaking hand through his hair before exhaling. "I don't want to feel that, whatever it is."
"Ok, I promise I won't." Ichigo eyed him for a moment before nodding and sitting down again and picked up his fork. Any expression he'd previously shown disappeared quickly as he returned to his monotonous state. Grimmjow sighed and sat down across from him, mindful not to touch Ichigo as he passed. His lips still burned from the contact with Ichigo's and Grimmjow had to supress a sigh as he poked at his own food. "What did you feel?"
Ichigo stiffened and he looked up to see he was staring at him, his eyes wide again and he could see Ichigo was afraid. "I-I, it was..." He stopped and shook his head, looking down again. "Nothing, I didn't feel anything."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!" Ichigo snapped, standing up and slammed his fork on the table, glaring at Grimmjow. "I didn't feel anything so stop badgering me!" He yelled before storming off and Grimmjow groaned when he heard a door slam shut, presumably the one to Ichigo's room.
"Well shit."
...
Ichigo mumbled incoherently in his sleep, turning over so his back was to Grimmjow, snapping the older man out of his reminiscence. He smiled softly as Ichigo curled up tighter, one hand reaching out to the other end of the bed. "Grimmjow..." He murmured the word softly and Grimmjow sighed, gently rubbing his back.
"I'm still here Ichi, I'm not going anywhere."
The man fell silent again and Grimmjow sat upright with a small frown. Ichigo was getting to the point where he could finally function without the drug again, the dosage he was getting each day was being lowered and when he woke up, he would get his last one. Grimmjow sighed and rubbed his face tiredly, thinking about when Ichigo first began noticing the effects of the weaning drug, needless to say he hadn't taken it well.
...
Grimmjow was in the living room, busy typing away on his laptop, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he sorted through the remains of Ichigo's art business. Since his disappearance and subsequent drugging, he hadn't even looked in his at room, much less touched a pencil. So it was up to him to at least attempt to keep things running until Ichigo could function properly enough to work. One thing he knew about Ichigo was, he worked with passion and without that, well it just wouldn't work.
"Grimmjow?" He paused, looking up to see Ichigo stood in the doorway watching him whilst pulling at his sleeve, something he knew he did when nervous or anticipating something. "Can... I ask you for something?"
"Sure, come here." He set the laptop down, patting the place next to him and Ichigo gave him a swift smile, which quickly disappeared before he sat down next to Grimmjow. Ichigo had been back three weeks now and a couple of days ago, the doctor had told Grimmjow the dosage he would receive would be cut significantly, so Ichigo was likely to start showing some effects of this. "What is it?"
Ichigo just shrugged, looking down at his sleeve whilst biting his lip and it was then Grimmjow noticed his hands were shaking. He was becoming accustomed to feeling things again, something Grimmjow was grateful for since at least now, Ichigo acted more human than robot. Hell he'd even managed to kiss Ichigo a couple of more times, nothing more than a quick press of lips, but still, it was better than nothing.
"Ichigo, whatever it is, just ask me." Grimmjow hesitated before reaching out and slowly running a hand through his orange hair. "Come on, out with it."
"I... I need more Grimmjow." He whispered the words quietly, looking up at him with desperate eyes. "Please, I can't do this."
Grimmjow sighed, shaking his head. "I can't Ichi, you've had enough for today, there is no more."
Ichigo grabbed his arm and shook his head. "You're lying, I know there's more. Please Grimmjow give it to me, I need it."
"No, you don't." Grimmjow grabbed his hand, loosening the tight grip on his arm and squeezed it softly. "You don't need the drug Ichigo, trust me, you'll be fine."
He could feel his hand shaking in his own before Ichigo ripped it free and scowled at him. "You have no idea how this feels. All I can think about is getting more, I physically feel sick because of this." He stood up and shook his head. "Why are you doing this to me? You promised not to hurt me, but that's what you're doing right now."
Grimmjow flinched, but grabbed Ichigo's arm, pulling him back and kissed him firmly before resting their heads together. "Look at me Ichigo." He obliged and Grimmjow sighed, looking into his eyes. "I don't want to hurt you, but giving you more won't help, it will just hurt you worse in the long run. So no, I won't give you any, no matter what you say."
Ichigo grabbed his face suddenly, pulling him into a searing kiss and moved to sit on top of him. He pulled away and smiled at Grimmjow, rocking their hips together. "Give me what I want, and I'll give you what you want. I know you want me Grimmjow, I see it in your eyes every day, every time you look at me. All you have to do is give me some more drugs and you can have me."
Grimmjow's eyes widened, but he didn't get to reply as Ichigo kissed him again. It was true, he wanted nothing more than to fuck Ichigo senseless right now, but at the cost of his health, it wasn't much of a deal. He shoved Ichigo off and sat up, shaking his head again. "No."
"You're impossible!" Ichigo yelled, getting up from the sofa and started walking towards the door. "Why did you take me away from Aizen? At least he gave me what I wanted. He cared for me more than you ever could!"
Grimmjow snapped at that, standing up to follow after Ichigo and slammed him into the wall when he caught up to the younger man. "Don't you ever say that!" He growled and Ichigo's eyes widened in surprise. "Don't you ever say I don't care about you. It's because I care about you that I won't give you more, it's because I love you that I'm still here and damn it Ichigo one day you will come back to your god damn senses and thank me!"
Ichigo glared back at him, shoving him away. "Never." He replied, walking away and this time, Grimmjow didn't follow after him.
...
Grimmjow snorted softly, shaking his head, of course, a few days later Ichigo was begging for forgiveness, but then after that he would beg for more. It was an endless vicious cycle and the only thing that got Grimmjow through it was the thought of Ichigo afterwards, when he was back to himself again. It was lucky really, that Ichigo never went in his art room, he tore the house apart searching for the drugs but never found them. After all, Grimmjow had hidden them in his art room and was thankful really, he knew Ichigo couldn't bear the thought of going in there, so it was the perfect place.
He wasn't sure if he was relieved or not once they got through it, it was only because Ichigo could barely move that he stopped trying to find the drugs. At first he just refused to get out of bed and Grimmjow assumed it was a new ploy, but after a few days he realised it was something else.
...
"Ichigo?" Grimmjow called, walking into the bedroom to see he was curled up in bed still and sighed, this was the third day he had refused to get out of bed. "Come on, this isn't working. I won't give you any more so stop pretending." Walking over to him, Grimmjow stood at the side of the bed and looked at Ichigo expectantly. "Well?"
Ichigo lifted his head slowly and Grimmjow eyes widened when he saw how pale he looked, the dark circles under his eyes etched into his skin. "G-grimm?"
"Shit Ichi, what's wrong?" He knelt next to the man, cupping his cheek and stroked it slowly.
Ichigo smiled weakly, closing his eyes again and sighed heavily. "Don't feel well..."
"Yeah I can see that." Grimmjow sighed, slowly dropping Ichigo's head onto the pillow so he could stand up again. "Ok, I'll get you some food." He left, returning ten minutes later with some soup and sat down next to Ichigo, propping him up on some pillows. "Come on Ichigo, you need to eat."
He opened his mouth when Grimmjow pushed the spoon against his lips and ate the soup slowly. "Stop." He murmured, pushing Grimmjow's hand away. "I'm gunna be sick."
"You're fine, it's just because your body wants the drugs. You'll get through it, like everything else."
"No, I'm really gunna-" Ichigo grabbed the bowl and threw up violently into it. Grimmjow gently rubbed his back as he groaned. "No more soup..."
"Ok, no more soup, for now at least." He smiled when Ichigo groaned, taking the bowl form him. "You done?" When he nodded, Grimmjow stood. "I'll bring you a better bowl if you need to throw up again."
"Thanks." Ichigo whispered as he left and when Grimmjow returned, he took the new bowl gratefully and placed it next to him before curling up again, looking at Grimmjow sadly. "Why do you stay?"
"What?"
Ichigo's eyes fluttered shut as Grimmjow ran a hand through his hair and smiled softly. "Why do you put up with me and all this shit? I've done nothing but hurt you and yet you're still here. Why?"
"Well I thought that'd be obvious." Ichigo frowned, turning his head slightly so he could look at him questioningly. "I love you." He just smiled, closing his eyes again and Grimmjow frowned when he didn't receive a reply before smiling when he realised Ichigo had fallen asleep. Leaning over the man, he pressed a gently kiss to his head. "Feel better soon Ichi."
...
"Grimmjow?" He started slightly at the call of his name, looking down at Ichigo to see he had woken up and was looking at him with a slight frown. "Is everything ok?"
"Yeah, everything's fine." He smiled reassuringly, reaching out to grasp Ichigo's hand and the man smiled, squeezing his back. "I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"Just... everything's that's happened I suppose." Ichigo's expression softened and he sat up, tugging on Grimmjow's hand to make him sit on the bed next to him. When he complied, Ichigo wrapped his arms around him and nodded into his neck. "I've missed you so much Ichi."
"I've missed you too." He whispered against his neck before pulling back to smile at him. "But I'm better now, how many more days to I have to take the drug?"
"Today's the last. Speaking of which I should probably give it to you, come on." Grimmjow lead him downstairs, leaving Ichigo sat in the kitchen to grab the remains of the drug in his art room. When he returned to the kitchen Ichigo was sat waiting for him and smiled when he walked in. "Ok, give me you arm." Grimmjow sat down next to him and Ichigo held out his arm.
He frowned as Grimmjow prepared the injection, hesitating when he was about to inject it. "Wait." Grimmjow paused, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "I don't want it, I don't want to be like that anymore. I like being able to feel, I like what you make me feel."
He took the needle and walked to the sink, dumping the contents down the drain before throwing it in the bin. Ichigo turned and looked at Grimmjow with a smile. "I want to keep feeling this, I like the way you make me feel Grimm. I don't need the drug, I need you."
Grimmjow smiled, shaking his head slightly before standing up and walking over to Ichigo to pull him into his arms. "I need you too Ichi, I've missed you so much."
"I won't become like that again Grimm, I promise." He pulled back to smile sheepishly at him. "And I uh... I'm sorry for accusing you of cheating on me like that. I know Amy's your sister know. I really am sorry for saying all that shit. Even if you don't remember, I don't care, I still love you and I don't want the old you or this you more than the other."
"Oh Ichigo, I need to tell you something." Ichigo raised an eyebrow questioningly, but Grimmjow just shook his head. "Upstairs, I need to give you something first." He lead Ichigo up into their bedroom and Ichigo sat down on the bed as Grimmjow rummaged in one of the drawers. "So, I found these when I came to see you, y'know, the day Aizen kidnapped you." Grimmjow told him, moving to sit next to him and opened his hand so Ichigo could see his rings. "Do you want them back?"
Ichigo nodded, smiling as he held out his hand before frowning at it. "I uh, don't have my ring finger anymore." Grimmjow just nodded, moving to take his right hand and slid the rings onto that ring finger.
"How's that?"
Ichigo just smiled, wrapping his arms around Grimmjow's neck to kiss him. "Perfect." Grimmjow smiled, kissing him again but Ichigo pulled away with a smirk. "So what did you want to tell me?"
Grimmjow sighed, rubbing his hips. "When Aizen... killed you, it felt like my world had crashed down around me. The thought of being without you, was too much to bear and dunno, I guess it made something snap. Whatever happened... I remembered everything the moment he shot what I thought was you, in the head."
Ichigo's eyes widened and he froze, looking at Grimmjow in shock. "R-remembered what?" He whispered and Grimmjow smirked.
"What do you think? I remembered everything Ichi. You and me, all of it."
If he thought Ichigo was happy before, he was ecstatic now as he grinned so wide it almost threated to split his face and he laughed, throwing himself into Grimmjow's arms, holding him tightly. "Oh Grimm..."
Grimmjow tightened his hold on Ichigo, kissing his temple. "I love you Ichi and I swear, I'll never leave you again."
Ichigo laughed again. "As if I'd let you go. I didn't the first time and I won't, ever. I love you too." He pulled back, kissing Grimmjow softly. "Wanna know something?"
"Sure."
"I really feel like painting something right now." When Grimmjow rolled his eyes, Ichigo smiled and pushed him back on the bed, kissing him lightly. "But it can wait. Right now I feel like both of need this."
Grimmjow ran his hands over Ichigo's sides, smirking when he grinned. "You're damn right about that. I'm going to make you remember what it is to feel something when I'm with you. By the time I'm done, you're not gunna be able to walk to your art room."
"You better make good of the promise." Ichigo tangled his fingers in Grimmjow's hair, tugging him closer so their lips brushed together. "I'm glad your back Grimm."
"Me too Ichi, I'm glad your back too."
Ichigo smiled, kissing him softly. "Me too."