Moral Support For Teens

Love?

Also, you may tell me as mutch of your stories as you like and that I will love to hear what you guys want the up coming chapters to be.

Remember this is how I feel sometimes and other people as well.

Enjoy
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Love?

Sometimes I lay on the couch or my bed and think, what is love exactly? Well, whatever it is I dont believe in it anymore.

I just think its a pathetic choice to try and be "happy".

Or is it not?

1 - You think your in love?

2 - Maybe you are?

3 - You just want love?

4 - Or your in it for sex or money?

Well if I had to pick one of these, I'll take number 3.

I wasn't born in a home with warm love, but only cold love.

Love that was never given or shown by heart but only through materialistic things.

My father was never there for me and after years of trying to get him to notice me, my achievements, my goals. I just gave up.

Now I live with my mom, because he left us for another woman.

He never cared.

And in this very same year, of 2015, I stood up to him and said,

"The night I was fighting for my life in that room, you didnt care. Mum called you to take me to the hospital but you just said 'I will not jump every time you and your mother snap your fingers'. I had to stay awake that whole night to keep myself alive and the next morning I was still fighting while my mother drove up to high speeds to get me to the only professional hospital with special doctors, for freaking 2 hours! After that I stayed awake in the hospital for more then 48 hours, just trying to survive, but you didnt give a shit!"

And then I ran.

So, all I know is that was not love.

But after a few days I realised that my mum stood by my side all these years and loved me and I her.

But every girl and boy needs a father's or mother's love.

And thats why many of us girls and boys have a lot of anger issues and depression and that we tend to mess around in relationships.

Like boyfriends and girlfriends.

Some of us has a whole line of ex's behind us while we already moved on to the next victim.

We all just want love.

I always say to myself,

"You can buy what the eye sees but not what the heart needs"

Some of us try to refill our empty hearts with things like clothes, games and so on, just to make us happy.

But the more you have the less happy you are.

My first love was a nerdy guy. He stuttered a lot, wasnt all that handsome and at the beginning of 6th grade we were dating but I saw him as a brother at first.

He wasnt popular and neither was I.

After almost two years I fell for him, not for his looks but his heart.

He adored me but when we had to go to high school everything changed.

The thing is, I dont do long distance realationships, because I cant be apart from someone I love so much and also not knowing if he had another love on the side line.

Not that I didnt trust him, its just you just want that person you are in a relationship with's love and to satisfy your need, you mess around.

I didnt want that to happen, because I couldn't handle anymore heartbreak.

So I broke up with him. Told him I just wanted to be friends.

But I was really scared of losing him and now ...I did.

I had to change schools as one of my ex's didnt accept take the brake up very well and threatened me, that if he cant have me, no one will.

And thats when I started getting messages from an unknown number telling me their planning to kill me but waiting for the right moment.

I started going to a new school just at the beginning of 10th grade, and when I walked into my register class.

There he was.

Just as shocked as me, we stared at eachother.

I knew he was mad, because from that day on he glared at me every day.

And when I tryed a second time, to try and convince him of giving me another chance, he just denied and ignored me.

No. He is not an asshole.

His just hurt, like me, every time I think of that day I gave up on us.

He lost the one he loved most and I lost him out of my own stupidity, causing both our hearts to shatter into pieces.

But I know his heart is more broken then mine.

He's aggressive, doesn't smile that cute gorgeous smile anymore , doesnt talk to any one accept my best friend.

And what hurts the most, is that he keeps flirting with her right infront of my eyes. Because he likes her.

Some days when I see this, I just want to run and cry in a dark corner, wishing I could die.

The love I feel for him is painfull because, he hates me and the fact that...

there is no future for us.

Haha. Im practically in tears now, from writing this, Im sure you are too unless you are good at not showing emotion. At school I am but at home Im a wreck.

So, now, we are trying to be friends.

I still love him.

But I respect his wishes, and keep my distance.

He isn't really trying which I understand, but he and I both know he hates me but he just doesnt want to admit it, and after one night....I have decided.

I dont believe in love.

I dont want to.

But God gave up his life for us because he loves us?

Yes. He does.

But Im just struggling to accept love.

Maybe we all are?

Some of us just dont know it or we're trying to ignore it.

For me it feels like just another meaningless word used to shatter hearts in the end.

And thats all I have to say, now, give me your opinion of how you feel about the concept of love and if you feel like picking one of the categories from beginning (1,2,3 or 4) you're welcome.

Here is a part from the bible which I hope matches this part quite well.

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Strength of Love

I pray that out of His glorious riches, he strengthen you with power through Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Amen.

Ephesians 3:16 - 19