Starting over

Chapter 7

Chloe's POV

"Pepsi for the lady, and water for... Harry Styles." A dramatic sigh is issued behind me and I look over at the waitress who puts our drinks down in front of us.

She interrupts a lot, doesn't she?

"Okay, ready to order?" She asks us, well more like Harry because she sure was drooling while staring at him. I feel a feeling in the pit of my stomach and I grasp the table cloth to keep myself from saying something rude or offensive to her.

....I'm not jealous. I can't be, were not even dating. I sip my drink to keep myself from snapping at her and to rethink why I even came on this date, when I see Harry staring at me.

The lady is still talking, but Harry isn't paying much attention to her. He licks his lips, a habit of his I think, and his eyes are wide with curiosity.

"So, what would you like miss?" She asks me with a little bit of forced politeness in her tone. I look up at her with dangerously sweet eyes and then look at Harry.

"Whatever he's having, I'm not to hungry."

"Pizzas fine, pepperoni." Harry orders, boredom seeping through his voice, as he hands her our menus while not even sneaking a second glance at her while she swivels away.

"Tell me." Harry says sternly and I chew the inside of my cheek furiously.

"Please." He adds, almost begging now. I sigh and close my eyes for a second.

"Fine...just hold on." I say calmly and he nods. I take a few deep breaths and then look up at him.

How should I put this in a way that isn't too long but isn't too short and won't make me cry like a insane person. Oh wait, I'm already insane.

Pointless really.

"It all started in 10th grade, I was 16 at the time. Living life like a emotionally unstable teen should." I say chuckling slightly and Harry smiles.

"And just like any teen, you always had a partner in crime I like to call it, and my partner in crime was Margaret....my best friend." I gulp dryly and Harry gives me a confused look.

"Who's your best friend, Harry?" I ask quietly.

"Louis." He says automatically and I nod blankly.

"Anyway, we spent every dying day together." I sniffle a bitter laugh at that little 'dying' joke. You see what I've become? I'm to the point were making a joke of it is less saddening then thinking about it to seriously.

"We were as you say joined at the hip, said things like 'If you do it, then I'll do it.' We were just that kind of friendship. She was amazing, I loved her. She understood everything, a great listener, a great person. I always told her she was beautiful, she never believed me but accepted the compliment either way. That's what best friends do, you see." I say as I look up at Harry as to see he understood.

"You mean girl best friends do." He says with a small chuckle and then crosses his hands and beckons me to go on.

I smile and then breath through my nose. Here comes the painful part "But...I started suffering with uh mild depression. It sorta ran in my family but I got hit harder then my siblings. It wasn't anything serious, I was dealing fine, I just didn't tell her. I didn't want her to worry." I breath a shaky breath, trying to hold back hysteria.

"She found out.....how I will never know. Surprisingly, she never told me but it was to late. Anyway, so this is when things start to get confusing, so stay with me here." I raise my eyebrows at him and he nods quickly.

"She had anxiety, really really bad anxiety. She took medicine, so she was fine. I only witnessed one of her attacks and her parents said that was only a small one. It tore me apart when they told me that. My depression started to get worse, I cut myself a few times. I wasn't stupid, so I didn't cut on my wrists. It was only on my stomach and thighs so she never knew..."

"I..." Tears start to blur my vision and I blink a few times.

"I started to get more and more reckless with it and one day in PE class I guess some girls in the changing room saw and by the end of the day the whole school thought I was going to kill myself that night. The whole school meaning Margaret too. She came up to me at the end of the day and hugged me, at the time I didn't understand. She left. 'If you do it, then I'll do it.' That was what w-was o-n the n-note she left when she hung herself." I hiccup and Harry remains dead silent. I didn't mind though, most people are when I tell them the story. Only a few people actually know it.

"Her anxiety got so bad that she

t-thought if I was g-going then she'd go too. She thought that for some reason, this was all her fault for not helping in the beginning and being such a terrible person. She was the most perfect, considerate person I've ever met and will probably ever meet in my life. I will never understand why she didn't talk to me about it, I could have saved her. It's all my fault, all my fault." I feel two strong arms from next me pull me into a bone crushing hug as tears splashed all over his shirt.

"....Was it true?" Harry whispers gently and I look up at him weakly.

"Was what true..?"

He stares at me, a glimpse of shock shimmering in them. "We're you really gonna kill yourself, or were they just rumors?"

That struck a nerve deep in my heart and I let out a choked sob. I didn't even care that we were in public and I was hugging a boy who will never understand.

"I never said they were wrong, now did I?" I cry and Harry hugs me even closer and rocks me as I let tears spill that I never even knew I had been holding for so many years.

"I-I t-tried to forget a-about it, but it got worse and w-worse and eventually I-I needed help. And that's w-why I'm in the mental h-hospital." Harry shushes me softly and then sits back in his chair across from me, but leans towards me so were inches apart.

"I understand now...well I probably will never fully understand what you went through, but I am truly astonished by how hard that hit me." My eyes widen slightly as he gives me a sad half smile.

"I care about you, Chloe. I don't want to see you like this. I wish somehow, someway, I could just take all the memories and pain and just throw it away on our way out of here. Then you'd be okay, with me."

With me.

My eyes swell up with tears and Harry's expression changes to concern in an instant "What? I'm so sorry did I say something-" I cover his mouth with my hand and then lean in closer so our noses brush.

"Just...shut up for a second." And then I smile a real smile. Not one of those fake ones, that don't show your teeth and make your eyes water from how hard it is to try. But a real smile. One of those ones your embarrassed to show because you think it's ugly, but love it all the same.

He smiles right back at me and then takes my hand away and places it on his chest

"I'll keep you steady, just like my heart beat." My heart gushes with emotions I can't even begin to explain because in that moment I felt something.

Friendship.

Or better yet,

Love.

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A/N- I know it's short and I'm sorry about that (: I hope you liked it and stuff