looking from the outside

One

It was my father's funeral today.

I needed him to be there for me but I guess the breakup was a bit too much for him.

But...

I still love him.

"snap out of your trans Zama" Thando was standing in front of me with a cup of boiled water with cinnamon and honey, the perfect recipe for a restless person. The mouth watering aroma made me forget about my worries for a moment, but the frowning lines on Thando's forehead forced me to give a pleading sigh. I was not ready for her drama

"what is it?" I asked

"we just buried our father and you are sitting here worrying about a boy who didn't even show up to support you. I know i'm always rooting for Blake but you must know when it is time to throw in the towel sis. You two have broken up four times already, doesn't that say a lot about your relationship?" she said while handing me the cup. The seriousness in her voice scared me. How could she totally give up on him like this? She was the one who told me Blake was worth every struggle?

"I'm not ready for this Thando. If mom needs me I'll be in my room" I rose from the sofa and fastened the blue checked blanket around my waist a little tighter.

Why did dad decide to die in summer! Now I have to suffer the wrath of this blanket for three weeks.

"how is she holding up?" I heard one of my aunts say

"Zama is a strong girl, she'll pull through for her family" Sis Kholeka from down the road answered.

" haiboo! People have their limits sisi, this girl has been through enough already. I feel sorry for her sometimes" that was Sis Gloria, she lived next door our house and she was the loudest person I've ever met in my entire existence.

I could hear their conversation through my bedroom window. They were sitting on the front porch, enjoying what was left of the ginger beer that Sis Kholeka had prepared the night before and washing the last bit of plates that remained after the burial. I could hear old man having small talks a little distance away from the women and there were sounds of worn out cars driving past our gate. Everything seemed pretty normal, like I had not just buried my father only a few hours ago

"She has no choice I suppose. We can't trust little Thando to take care of things. I better go and say my good byes ladies. We shall talk when I see you again" and the was the screeching of a chair followed by the click of heels on the concrete paving our yard.

"Did she just call that big girl Thando a little girl? That aunt of theirs never fails to surprise me"

"Gloria! Please contain yourself" Sis Kholeka had a humble nature. Ever since Thando and I were kids, she has always looked after us. Buying us fat cakes and atchar every morning before school and always making sure that we had a cup of warm milk and honey during winter vacation. Even when her husband left her many years ago because she was barren, she never stopped smiling, she was simply amazing.

"before I do so, I heard that Zama and her white boyfriend broke up again last Friday" I felt my heart skip a beat. How could she possibly know that?! The fan hanging on my white ceiling suddenly became blurry, it wasn't producing enough cold air anymore

OMW! If Sis Gloria knows about this then how long before the whole neighbourhood knows too!

"Who told you Zama has a white boyfriend?" Sis Kholeka asked. I couldn't hear the sound of colliding plates and spoons anymore. Sis Kholeka was as concerned as I was

"I see that boy coming and going like he is part of the family. Which white boy is brave enough to set foot in the ghetto township unless he is stupidly in love" she let out a loud laugh forcing my windows to vibrate and threaten to be shattered. I couldn't tell how the laugh was appropriate, but then again Sis Gloria was just being Sis Gloria. Never appropriate.