the secret

Breaking down

I got out of joes bed unwilling. I just wanted to stay there forever in joes warm and loving arms but I had to film another video since I didn't want to come out quite yet. I didn't know what else to film. I ended up filming a Q&A after tweeting what a should film and got floated with all these questions.  I sit down in my room clap me hands and start filming my video. After scrolling through my Twitter looking for good and original questions. I couldn't  find any. They were the same old questions like 'what's it like being joe Suggs roommate' and what is it like being friends with famous people' and stopped stuff like that. But there were a few questions that stuck out to me like the ones that said 'Are you gay?' And 'Are you and joe boyfriends' and 'Did you and joe kiss in nandos the other day because I swear I saw you to kiss' At this moment I had a tear fall down my face thinking that people know that I'm gay the only other people that knows I'm gay is of course you boyfriend Joe and his sister Zoe. Apart from that no one. And the fact someone saw me kiss Joe one our one year anniversary got to me big time. At this point I was sobbing my eyes out I could barely breathe because I was crying so much. I vision was so blurry I could even see properly. I wasn't ready for people up know that I was gay. My mum doesn't even tho that I'm gay. I've been crying now for a good solid 10 minutes. I hear the door open slowly. I know Joe is standing looking at me like a lost puppy. He walks in saying ' aww babe what's wrong tell me please' I shake my head not wanting him to know that people saw us kiss the other day. 'Babe please tell me' Joe says sitting down and rubbing his hand on my back 'what's wrong I'll try fix it, I promise' he saids kissing me forehead gently. Taking deep and quick breathes trying to get it down back to a normal paste I quickly say 'people saw us kissing in nandos the other day and I'm not ready for people know that I'm gay and were in a relationship and only two people now that I'm gay is you and your sister and the only reason she know is because she walked in on us making out and' I start to slow down now 'and I'm not just ready. I'm not ready Joe please Joe understand please' Joe doesn't say anything all he does is smile, kisses me on my cheek and cuddles me until fell asleep (even tho it's 1pm)