The Way it Was

Chapter 6 - Jo

Here's another "chapter!" Thanks for reading, and be sure to vote and review!!! Love you!! - Lillie

Her name fell so easily, so pleadingly from his mouth. It made something inside her, something fragile, something that had been holding her together snap. Her body jolted with a silent sob, her hand moving to cover her mouth. She couldn't tell if she was having a panic attack or if she was crying, but her heart was pounding and her head was throbbing, and she might as well have been dying.

Jo wasn't one to cry. Wasted sounds, wasted energy. There were things to be done, and getting upset about them was pointless.

But at the sound of Miles, her best friend, saying her name with such an exhaustion in his voice, such a pain, and at the way she could see what he was thinking, and what she was thinking, and at the memories of all their years and arguments and laughs and hardships together, she couldn't hold it back. Miles was hurting, was aching, and it was her fault.

Bolts outside were dying every day, and here she was, lying on a table, feeling bad for herself.

There was a choice to be made. She knew that, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

All these years, she'd stayed for one reason and one reason alone: If she was caught by the Borgs, her tracker would be found. She'd lead them straight to the Compound. It was better if the Borgs believed their most-wanted Bolt to be dead, as long as Miles wouldn't operate to remove the government tracker. He'd temporarily disabled it, and it could only be reactivated by an official.

It would show them where she'd spent most of her life.

One reason keeping her from saving Bolts. And that reason was saving other Bolts.

Perhaps it would be better if I did die.

But she didn't think it for long; she was needed here. She was needed for the rebellion, no matter her desire in the situation. She was a leader, and a leader she would remain as long as she kept to the Compound and minded Miles.

One reason, she reminded herself. An internal conflict even stronger than the question of leaving Miles blazed inside her. She couldn't leave; she couldn't stay.

She couldn't breathe.

Distantly she noticed an embrace wrapping itself around her arm, the scent of metal drifting through her nostrils as the cool material pressed into her skin. The table pressed firmly against her back, except for the occasional times when her body lurched above its surface.

"Why--" another sob cut her off. Miles remained silent for a moment, as Jo's breathing slowed back to just past unsteady.

"Why what, Jo?" he whispered.

Her eyes opened, shooting lasers into his, their metallic hues reflecting his own green irises. She didn't know how to feel anymore, what to say, what to do. She wanted the killings to end, she wanted the Bolts to be safe, she wanted to be wrapped in her father's embrace again...

The lack of tears was familiar to her now, but it was another reason she didn't cry. She could feel Miles's slight discomfort at seeing her like this.

Her voice was sharp and venomous, but it was vulnerable in a way that could never be classified as "Jo."

"Why didn't you let me die?" she spat. Watching his eyes go from uncomfortable to stunned, she willed her throat to swallow the next sob. She couldn't meet him with sorrow now; the determination and defiance were returning.

But as his entire body was shell-shocked, as his expression froze, as she brought up this topic, this night that had never dared been spoken of, as her own face hardened and her jaw clenched, his voice was calm. Flat.

As if he was trying too hard to keep from walking away. As if this was his last attempt at keeping her locked safely away.

As if he needed her to believe him, to hear him, above everything else in their city, in their society, in the killings and in the Compound.

As if she might drift away if he didn't hold her now, if he didn't pin her down while he still had the chance.

"Because, Jo," his words, although soft, were certain of themselves, "I love you."

She had one reason to stay. And yet, as she stared into his eyes, as she found peace in the colors she saw there, she thought maybe, just maybe, there had been another force keeping her in this Compound.