I'm trying.

Chapter 2

As walk into my moms car, I see her crying, the worst feeling in the world is to see your mom cry. "What'd he do now?" I say tearing up. "H-h-he punched me" she told me sobbing and showing me the bruises. "Oh my god" I say "I don't want to go home mom, today's been such a go-" she interrupts me and says no I think that what she was trying to say. As we walk into my house I see my dad laying down on the couch "he's sleeping so maybe if we be quiet he won't wake up" my mom said. So as I walk past the couch my dad grabs my arm "what the fuck do you think you are you doing" my heart was beating fast now. I said "no where  dad just going to my room" this time grabs my arm tighter, he's hurting me. My mom looks at me and her eyes tear up. I say "dad I got to go practice my piano" I manage to get away from him into my room. After 10 minutes of practicing and doing homework my dad walks in practically throwing himself on the floor. My dad's a really good guy, well he was before he became an alcoholic. Now he's a total ass.  After he manages to get to the bed he sits down and starts yelling at me, "why are you such a fuckup? Why did I have a fuckup as A daughter??" It looked like he was looking at the Celling talking to God. I don't say anything, which makes him mad because he thought I was ignoring him. But I wasn't, so he gets up and slaps the crap out of me. "Why the hell are you ignoring me you little bitch? You think Connor actually loves yo-" "Christopher"?I interrupt him, which was a bad idea. He look like he's possessed now, he gets up throws me across my room and starts kicking me in the stomach. I want to scream at him, I want to scream at my mom for letting him do this to me. Right as I thought that my mom comes in and says "that's enough!!" She sound scared and confident at the same time. My dad gets up and starts to corner her, I want to punch him In the balls. He pushes her towards the wall she hits her head and pushes him back but harder, he fell to the ground and passed out. Not because it hurt, but because the alcohol finally hit him.

   After taking a 30 minute shower and crying most of the time and and every time I would look at my purplish and greenish bruises, the sobbing would just get worse. I kept on telling myself "I'm fine, I can get through this, I always do." I look at the razor blades on my shaver, I just wan to end it all already, I wanted to get those blades and slice my arms up like a vegetable. But I don't because I'm hardly ever home anyways right? After the shower I cried myself to sleep thinking how can I get rid of this problem. I don't want my dad to get In trouble but I don't want to wait until I die either.

The next day the same thing happens just different bruises in different places, I don't tell anyone about it and make it seem like I'm the happiest person ever. Which I am because my friends make me happy and especially my boyfriend. When He kisses me the whole world stops, in that moment I feel like were the only people in the world and nothing can break us. When I'm with him I forget about all of my worries and flaws.
Whenever I feel like hurting myself or ending it all my friends are always there although they make me happy none of them have a clue of what's wrong with me. I feel like hugging them and tell them what's going on, but I can't.