Every rose has its thorn

Yeh, she's definitely Lucifer

"You actually fell for that?! Jeez Sammy!" His face went red with humiliation and she smiled wickedly. "Awww, aren't you adorable? I was only kidding about it being poison. It really is only coffee..."

Sam, dying of shame on the inside, shook as he carefully put the coffee cup down onto the countertop then held onto the edge with both hands to steady himself.

Get it together Sam! You're a hunter, you've dealt with all kinds of messed-up situations before and here you are practically pissing your pants over a stupid prank. Dean would be so embarrassed at how pathetically he had fallen at the first hurdle.

"OK I'm done." Sam said, angry at his embarrassment. "What's going on? Why are you dressed like one of the Duggars and why are we standing in Little Bo Peep's candy cottage?"

"This is my weekend home." She paused. "Well, not my actual weekend home". Her eyes flashed a deep, angry red and her voice deepened. "That's been denied to me now that I'm trapped in the Cage. But, it's someway close. Do you like it?"

Lucifer did a little twirl around the kitchen, the same way a six year old dances in a tu-tu. "Do you want the tour? Come on, let me give you the tour."

It left a chill in his bones; she just went from menacing anger to girlish excitement in the same breath.

She grabbed Sam's hand, and he had no choice but to follow her. The touch of her skin against his gave him goose bumps that felt as big as goose eggs.

She led him out of the kitchen, past a long pine shelf layered with lacy paper doilies, upon which rested a variety of tiny ceramic puppies dressed in clown outfits. He shuddered and pulled his hands out of her grip.

"Wait! I just...I don't get it. How can this be your home? Isn't it a bit..." he searched for the right word..."saccharine? Even Strawberry Shortcake would get diabetes here."

She looked at him very seriously. "I'm a romantic at heart Sam."

He heard the words but they were too ridiculous. Scorn showed on his face.

"Oh don't give me that look Sammy boy. I've spent thousands of years up to my elbows in blood. Punishing the wicked, murdering the innocent, stoking the flames of war, it all gets a bit...meh. So I come here to relax, unwind, do a bit of gardening."

"Gardening?" Sam couldn't help ask incredulously. Could this get any more bizarre? His head swam. All of this was so at odds with what he had expected.

"Green fingers." Lucifer held them up and waggled them. Sam noticed the nail polish had changed from pink to green. "I've a fantastic herb garden, and the roses grow beautifully here. Organic soil, you can't beat it. Come on..."

She led the way into a small, but cosy, sitting room. Every wall was papered with a repeating cherub motif, pale pink against cream. The furniture was just as cutesy as the kitchen and more ceramic animals were crammed onto every available surface. There was a puffy looking cream couch with pink and cream cushions on it, and an antique wood and glass coffee table with well thumbed 'OK' and 'Hello' magazines scattered across it.

"For real...you read celebrity magazines?" he asked, surprised.

"Come on Sam, it makes sense when you think about it."

"Uh, I guess", he muttered. Why should that be any less peculiar than anything else that was going on? Everything was surreal here.

"Well you've seen the bedroom, the kitchen and now the sitting room so I guess that's the tour pretty much done! It's not much, I know, but it's going our home sweet home for the rest of eternity and beyond." Lucifer pointed to the oversize couch. "Take a seat Sam and get settled in...here, have a cushion."

It wasn't until that moment that the reality of his situation utterly struck home. The surreal suddenly became very real. Like a slap in the face real.

No fucking way. This was where he was to ride out eternity?? Stuck in a tiny cottage playing house with the Devil? He began to panic. He would go insane within a week!

"Look, I can't..I can't do this." He choked on his words. "This can't be it, not...forever!" He whirled around, desperately looking for something, anything that could help him. "There's got to be a way out of here..."

Without any warning at all, Lucifer's mood swung again, and she blasted towards him in a horrifying rage."Don't you think I would get the fuck out if I could you stupid asshole?" Searing heat and noxious gasses filled the room. "Instead I'm stuck here with the fucking moron who locked us both in here, and threw away the key."