Do you remember when you were a child and you thought when you became a teenager everything would be so wonderful and you would party every night at 4 am? Its quite crazy because little did you know that at 4 am you would be screaming and crying in the bathroom floor begging for help thinking ¨Should I take my life or not?¨ This is the kind of sickness that is not excused at school, the sickness that nobody ever notices, this is the sickness that goes unnoticed until it kills. What is more deadly, a gun or a thought? A gun gives you the opportunity but the thought gives you the courage to pull the trigger. They say ¨How can you hate yourself so much?¨ When they barely know you and they whisper, ¨You are to young to be sad.¨ When they read my writing and when I cannot bring myself together, they laugh, ¨Why are you always tired?¨ but if they spent two minuets inside my head they would think its a miracle that I am still alive. Some nights you lay in your bathroom floor, crying, sobbing, screaming. You stand up, look in the mirror and see that you are in so much pain, you take the blade, one cut, two cuts, three cuts, and more. You cant stop so you decide this is the moment. You are ready, you are tired, so very tired, you cut deeper than you ever have vertically. Your mom walks in and sees you in the bathtub, the tub is full of blood and shes screaming for help, your brothers wake up, she does not want them to see, she shuts the door and cry's. You wake up. You are in the hospital. You don't know what happened. Your mom tells you everything, you start to cry. You scream ¨Why didnt you just let me die!¨ You go home. The next night 4 am. You write a note. ¨Mom and dad, This is not your fault. I am so sorry I disappointed you. I am so sorry I have changed. I cant take this pain anymore. The negativity in this word is to much for us to deal with, I am sorry but I wish to not deal with it anymore, I am going home to god. There is just no reason for me to live anymore. Goodbye.¨ That was the moment when you got the video recorder and the rope, you tied it to the ceiling and got a chair. You stood up, looked at the moon and said ¨Everything is going to be alright just when you are missing me hug your pillow tight.¨You took your last breath at 5:12 am. When your mom woke up she came in your room to check on you. There she found you with the chair on the ground and your face as pale as could be. She started to burst out in tears, Then she read the note and just sat there. Watching you hang there. She knew it was too late to save you. Your brothers think you went on a very long vacation. Your funeral is on August 8, 2012. Today is the 5th. Goodbye everyone.
