Hey, Old Man, You Wanna Race?

One of Twenty-one Stories

Hey, Old Man, You Wanna Race?

As perspiration drips down my face, all I can think about is the day when I'll sit behind the wheel of my Big Healey and roam the streets. In my daydream, her engine purrs and the dual exhaust pipes roar when we accelerate. It's easy to imagine the wind nipping at my face and, more than anything, the joy of feeling the torque from her hefty six-cylinder pulling hard with every shift of the gears.

After a tough six months of work, the restoration is complete. Both of my hands are bruised and one has stitches. There is also a hole in my wallet the size of a rhino. Nevertheless, when I drive the Healey out of the garage and onto the street, yes, there is a broad smile on my face.

However, it quickly becomes apparent that the Healey's appeal extends to an audience that I did not anticipate. It seems every time I take the car out to roam the streets or just show it off a little, a young person—typically in his teens—asks me this question: "Hey, old man, you wanna race?" It's probably the only downside of owning an Austin-Healey 3000, but with a little creativity, I manage to turn this weird phenomenon into fun.

Before we talk about that, let's back up a little. Let me introduce you to the British-built 1965 Austin-Healey 3000 MK III. This car, in my opinion, is not enjoying the appreciation it deserves; people undervalue it even today. Don't misunderstand; you'll pay dearly to own one in good condition. These cars are collector cars. My 1965 Austin-Healey restoration is ringing in at $32,500, and the engine in this car only needs minor work and a full tune-up.

What I'm talking about is the appreciation for the experience of driving a Big Healey roadster. The car gets kudos for its appearance: those side coves are fabulous when painted black on a red car, but the driving is underappreciated. Taking it out on the road and putting it through the paces is what I'm talkin' about!

You sit low and slide through its four gears while listening to the exhaust rumble—that's the good stuff! Take a right and then a left turn at high speed with hardly a bit of body roll; it's a wonderful experience. Note how the long hood with its classic lines catapults you back to a bygone era; it's priceless.

I know other cars of the period can do that, too. However, an Austin-Healey 3000 has something special that other cars cannot match. It's difficult to put into words; you simply have to get behind the wheel and experience it. This intangible "it" radiates from the car...although it is not understood fully until you drive the car on a winding road upshifting and downshifting as you go. It seems to have a "siren"-like effect on large numbers of people, especially one particular group of people.

There's not one testosterone-infused male teenager who can resist pulling up to the Healey and asking, "Wanna race?" If he is a little more mature, he'll first ask, "Hey, man, what's under the hood?" followed by the inevitable "Want to race?"

This has happened to me so many times; I now simply laugh and say, "Sure." Then I rev the engine a few times so they can hear the dual exhaust notes (each muffler has its own note so yes, it's plural). I grin and make an effort to be obvious about putting the shifter in first gear. Teenage boys get so excited when they hear the engine rumble, they sometimes wiggle in their seats. They grab the steering wheel, look ahead intently, and wait impatiently at the red light. When the light changes, I stay motionless and watch them peel away.

They look back at me with confusion. I can almost hear them say, "What the...?"

I laugh again. Then I go about my business. I think aloud, "They'll never learn."

Today is no exception. A 1990s-era Ford Mustang convertible, top down and going in the opposite direction, makes an abrupt U-turn. The two young men in the car race to catch up to me and then ask (you guessed it), "Hey man, what's under the hood?" followed by the inevitable question, "Wanna race?" I look over at the driver's smiling face and his anxious need to make the "old guy" eat his dust.