My Anorexia Story

Battling anorexia

Toward the end of eighth grade I still wasn't happy I still hated myself. In April two of the most amazing things happened I got a little sister, and I started dating the person I love, I had found out that he liked me since my second week in eighth grade when I was more comfortable....I got to school on a Wednesday, so he'd liked me for longer then I thought. I still didn't like myself every time I looked in a mirror I had to suck in so I was somewhat happy even if it was for those few minutes.

The summer before freshman year I was still having trouble with everything I also had a bunch of shit going on at home, family stuff. Again I would go on 3-4 sometimes 5 hour bike rides to lose the weight I thought was good enough for that day, when I got home I wouldn't drink water for a while cause I was afraid of gaining water weight. During the summer I would go to the lake with my boyfriend of go camping with my mom and some friends, but I always felt like I was being watched and judged with everything I did how much I ate or drank so I wouldn't going swimming I wouldn't eat or drink anything and going camping I would drink a little water and not really eat a whole lot except some fruits. At one point we went camping for a week, my favorite camping trip but, I wasn't able to weigh myself daily. I would get paranoid that I was gaining 5-10 pounds so I wouldn't eat I'd go walking, swimming, running, climbing, something to keep the weight off my friends got annoyed with how much I wanted to move or do something. As much as people would say I was beautiful or skinny, or how much guys would flirt with me cause to them having a boyfriend was nothing. I wasn't good enough I looked in the mirror and all I seen was fat, everywhere and I wanted it to get off of me I hated it how fat I was everything.

When my freshman year of high school started (this year) I wouldn't really eat anything in the morning and I wouldn't eat lunch, I would get home and not eat anything until dinner. I would come home do my homework go on a few hour bike ride sometimes taking my little brother for an excuse as to why I was out so long, and I would eat a little bit of dinner when it was ready. Sometimes my parents would make me eat more saying that I needed to eat more and I wasn't eating enough, I would use the excuse I'm not really hungry or my stomach was bothering me again. Before I went to bed I'd weigh myself and get in the shower I was never happy with the numbers and if I was super unhappy with them I would "punish" myself by not eating at all for the next few days.

Not even half way in the year and things at my house blew up I became even more depressed and my parents took one thing away from me that I could never forgive they made me and my boyfriend break up. I know I know I'm only a freshman I don't know what love is, blah blah blah blah blah. If you asked anyone that seen us together they'd tell you otherwise, we decided to secretly stay together. 2 weeks into it he broke up with me and it ripped me apart I'm a somewhat strong person I don't show emotions very often but this time I cried all day all night for weeks. I stopped eating even more, I blamed myself I hated myself even more I was in a deep hole of depression I didn't care about anything anymore days were obstacles I had to get through and that's it.