I had a normal childhood ( what may be normal to you may not be normal to others) my parents were not together. I didn't mind going back and forth between each other's houses. I lived with my mom throughout my childhood. She was my rock . It has always been her and i. I love my dad too. I can get away with a lot when it comes to my mom . My dad was ridiculously strict. He and mom didn't agree on most things when it came to me. My mom was more down to earth. Everything was going well until she got married.
My step dad has been in my life since I was ten . I don't care for him as much. ( I'm being polite). I despise him more now then I ever did, ( why, I will get into that subject later on). He always try to control everything. My mom let him , you know why because she is a DUCK(harsh I know). She acts like she has lost her own brain when it comes to him. Our relationship as mother and daughter change as I grew up. We disagree with everything. We argued more. Of course I didn't want anything to do with John ( her husband). That made things more difficult. We still don't have a relationship and never will. I'm fine with that.
I had issues in school not grades wise but everything from self esteem issues to being made fun of because I act "white". A girl needed her mother and she wasn't there because she was occupied by her husband. I didn't feel love at home so I looked for it in other things. I tried to cut myself, go emo, try to do what felt right at the time for me. I knew I thought differently from other people.
BOYS! I wanted to be popular I wanted to be thought of as something desirable . I didn't feel that way. I was skinny , undeveloped , and a Virgin. A lot of guys wanted to take it but I was scared, they didn't know that though. I had desire that I was going to lose my virginity in the 9th grade( sad I know) . All my friends were talking about their special moment that I never had. I was the only one that was not a Virgin or so I thought. It never happened until the following year.
I lost my virginity in the 10the grade. My first time wasn't magical as I thought it was going to be . The guy ,who is now deceased, I wasn't in love with him. It was purely out of lust. Something I knew I wasn't ready
YOU ARE READING
No Love Lost
Randomwhen you have gone through as much as I have , you see things differently.this is purely advice that I can share with others , letting them know my struggle so they can feel they are not alone.
