The last time I saw Ben, he was drugged up and crying non-stop. That was five months ago. I had moved back in with my parents, and when I finally found a job, me and Adam moved back out into the real world, and then my job transferred us to Seattle, and it was just two, day in and day out. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Ben, because of course I was. He was my first everything, my first time, my first love, and every night I would lie in bed, wondering how he was, where he was, and if he would ever end up with me again. Of course that thinking only got me upset, so I would spend most nights trying to keep Adam from knowing that I was crying, and then the sun would come up before I knew it, and the days just dragged on, longer and longer. Then one day, out of nowhere, I got a call from my parents, saying that Ben had been on the news, and was in jail. Unfortunately, Adam heard every word from the phone in the other room. So, we visited my parents for a while, Adam stayed with them, and I tried to find out where Ben was. And finally I found him.
"I'm Claire Wade. I'm here to see Ben..."
"Yeah, we know who you are." The guy at the front desk cut me off. "Wait here." He said and then disappeared. I looked at myself in the reflection of a vending machine. I wasn't here to impress him though. I was here to take him home, and help him, to love him again. My palms were sweaty, and my stomach was all over the place. And then I saw him. My beautiful baby, all beat up and bruised. A cry escaped my mouth and I ran into his arms. They mindlessly wrapped around me.
"Ben," I stared at him. "What's happened to you?" I whispered.
"You left me." He whispered back and I felt my heart sink.
"I know, and I'm sorry, but I'm here now, okay? I'm here, it's going to be okay." I told him, as they uncuffed him and told me I could take him home after I pay bail. Ben waited in a plastic chair across the room and the man at the desk told me to watch out for him.
"Why?" I stared at him.
"He's overly depressed. That's not a good thing, you know that right?" He watched me sign the piece of paper and I nodded.
"I've got it all under control." I told him and he shrugged.
"Have a nice day." He said and I turned back to Ben.
"Hey," I whispered, stroking his black and blue face. "Come on, we can go home now." I told him and he silently stood up.
Back at my parents, Adam was asleep, so Ben and I went down to the basement to talk about everything.
Ben was in the shower, and I was brushing my teeth, and for a second, it felt like nothing was wrong. But only for a second. When Ben got out of the shower, he wrapped the towel around his waist and I saw all the cuts and scars on his chest and back.
"Ben," I watched his every movement.
"You have no right to say my name like that." He told me and I looked down at the sink full of toothpaste.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I really really am." I shook my head and he just left the bathroom. "Ben," I followed him into the bedroom.
"What Claire?"
"I missed you." I felt tears coming.
"Yeah, and I missed you too, but we move on."
"You've moved on?" My voice cracked.
"What do you think Claire?" He looked at me, and for the first time in over five months, our eyes met, and neither one of us dared to look away.
"I don't know anymore." I whispered and he sighed, running his hand through his wet hair. Just like he used to. "Look," I stared at him. "Whatever is going on with us, we can fix it. I know we can. We've had worse fights..."
"No Claire, no we haven't."
"Ben," I closed my eyes and tears slipped down my cheeks. I opened my eyes and took a deep breath in. "But right now, this isn't about you, or me, or us. I came here because Adam needs a dad. And even though I just bailed you out of jail, I wouldn't want anyone else raising my child..." I looked at him, and he was turned the other way, his head in his hands. "I still love you Ben." I told him and he didn't move. "I never stopped. I just left out of anger and frustration, but Ben, I can't see me living the rest of my life without you. You're my favorite person on this planet. I want my best friend back." I told him and his body shook gently. I crawled across the bed and rested my chin on his shoulder. "I am so sorry. I know I ruined this, I know I ruined us, but even if you can't stand me, what about Adam?" I whispered and he didn't say anything. "Ben," I just kept saying his name, like an idiot. "Please say something."
"I want my best friend back too." He whispered and I cried some more.
"I'm here. I'm right here." I told him and he shook his head.
"My best friend left me longer than five months ago, and never really came back."
"What do you mean?"
"Claire," He turned to me, his eyes wet and red. "I'm saying maybe I fell in love with a Claire that doesn't exist anymore. Maybe I'm still in love with the Claire I met in middle school, and the Claire I spent every day with in high school."
"That Claire is still here." I whispered, my voice shaking.
"No, no she's not." He turned away and then left the room, disappearing like a shadow in the night.
The next morning, I woke up to Adam's laughter, something I hadn't heard in a long time. I followed the sound to the living room and saw Ben playing Lego's with his son. I smiled, leaning against the wall, just watching them. Ben looked over his shoulder and saw me. He gave me a soft smile and his eyes lingered on mine before turning back around and watching Adam make some sort of structure with his blocks. I sat down next to him and he showed me what he was making.
"This is where Dark Vader will go when Luke comes. It's his hideout." He handed me the 'hideout', and started making a whole new thing. I looked at Ben, who was already looking at me.
"Are we okay?" I mouthed to him and he nodded.
"Of course." He mouthed back, and I felt like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. We were okay. I decided to get back up and start to make breakfast in the kitchen.
"Hey," the raspy voice of Ben whispered in my ear. I smiled and turned around.
"Hi." I looked at him. He was still nothing but beautiful.
"I'm so glad you're hear with me right now." He told me and I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"I bet you're not happier than me." I smiled wide and he rolled his eyes, planting his lips on mine.
