Illusion.

One.

The sound of the car engine running was the only thing I could hear.
The rain dripped down the window like the way tears fall down a persons face.

I've always wondered what tears were used for.
I know how they form. I know why they happen but...why is that a way to show emotion?--
You cry when you're happy, sad, angry, etc..; but why? Not that I'm complaining. I like to cry.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as my mum told me we were at the market. I opened the door from the 2006 grey suv. Grey was mums least favourite Color so I had always wondered why she bought a grey car.

As we walked through the rainy parking lot I thought about how I've been these past few days. The thought cleared my mind when I stared down into a puddle in front of me. I saw my face. Pale and filled with freckles. 

Maybe I should take this moment to introduce myself. My name is Jacob Marshall. I'm 17 and currently unable to go to school due to my
schizophrenia. I had no idea what was real and what wasn't. I had orange hair and green eyes. I was lanky and awkward. I was also gay.

Many people call me crazy or psycho because of what happened last month in class. I don't talk about it much because it's not something I want to share. It's not my fault I'm so messed up in the head. 

Mum constantly tells me I'll get better. She refuses to believe her only son is so crazy. Sometimes I hope she'll move on from me and have another baby but she can't. She's past that age.

We walk through the market, me always falling behind. Only because i observe everything. Everything has beauty. Even the alley ways in the city. The only thing I feel that lacks beauty is myself. But I don't look to be pretty or muscular. Mum looked over at me, stopping the cart. "Come on, Jacob." She grabs my hand, leading me up the isle. I nodded, looking for something to keep my attention on besides the ringing in my ears. I hummed to myself. Not realising that it was loud. I noticed because mum nudged my stomach lightly. I huffed. I can never do anything anymore.

We finished up in the market, heading to the checkout line. I looked over, seeing a boy. He was about my age. Taller and more muscular. I felt my stomach tighten slightly. He had on a black jumper and skinny jeans. Kinda like what I was wearing but not as gay. I bit my lip, looking away as he saw I was looking at him. I whistled and looked at the magazines. I looked back up and he was gone. Oh boy. Goodbye mysterious lover. Who am I kidding? I'll never have a chance with someone that attractive. But maybe I'll see him soon.

Mum asked me to help but the bags of food in the trunk of her car. I accepted and helped. Whilst I was putting the last bag in, the same boy past bye. I waved slightly. He smiled in return. I smiled to myself. Good job Jacob. I did good. I mean I didn't actually say anything but I'm sure he got the gist.