Illusion.

Two.

Dear Journal.
Hello. My name is Jacob. I am gay.
The point of this journal or diary is to write about my life. Obviously. Other than the fact that I have this mental illness; I'm pretty normal. The medicine has been helping. I mean I hope so. It's fearful to walk around not sure what's real or not. Mum told me that she'd tell me. But I refuse. I want to do this myself. Anyway I've rambled on enough. Goodnight.. Me.
-- Jacob Marshall 2015

I set the journal under the mattress. I laid back, grabbing my phone. I had no friends. But I did have music. Which was probably my best friend anyway. I put on a playlist label 'Sleep'. How original. The songs were

• Green Eyes - Coldplay
• Asleep - The Smiths
• Medicine - The 1975
• A rush of blood to the head - Coldplay
• Sweet Deposition - The Temper Trap

I was pretty proud of my collection of music.
They always sent me into a good sleep.
It was currently 12:34 am. So off to sleep I went.
--

"Jacob, Jacob sweetheart we have guests." Mum shook me. I opened my eyes, squinting. "Who?" I asked, still sleepy. "Uh a boy name Harris and his mum." She smiled. "Now get ready and introduce yourself okay?" She patted my shoulder. I nodded, looking around. I pulled the covers off of me, laying there for just a few more minutes.

I've never met this boy. Or his mum.
It always scared me when people I didn't know came over. Not that I don't like them, but just everybody has got their secrets. Just like me.

I brushed my teeth with my grey toothbrush. I loved the colour grey. Reminded me of the city and rain. I wore pink and grey a lot. Sometimes I try to wear black but it makes my hair look more ridiculous. Not that being a red head is bad because there are those lucky people who happen to be gorgeous. Lucky bastards.

I looked in the mirror, scrunching my nose up.
      I headed down the wooden steps, the sound of my shoes made it obvious that I was approaching.
When I got there I saw a young boy, maybe about 14 or 15. I saw another boy behind him. The same one I saw at the market. I smiled and blushed, saying hello to all of them.

They were a really nice family. Harris was quiet but his mom did most the talking. I learned the boys name. Michael. It suited him pretty well. After they left mum asked if I was okay.
"I'm perfect mum." I whispered. She smiled, proud of me. I headed off to my room again. I had so much to look forward to. Starting school with the cute boy, my 18th birthday which wasn't until a month later. I smiled to myself, laying down on my bed. I listened to the song that made me happy.

"And if a double decker bus, crashes into us.
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die..."
- There is a light and it never goes out (the smiths)

I hummed along, sighing to myself. I had a few things to get done today. First I had an evaluation with the school board to see if I was stable enough to go back to school. I was quite nervous. Hopefully people will have forgotten my huge lash out. I looked up at the ceiling, unable to get the stupid smile off my face. And the worst part was I was thinking about Michael. He has amazing blue eyes and brown hair. His smile was beautiful. His dimples, don't even get me started.

I shook my head, snapping myself out of the trance. I heard mum call me. I stood up, grabbing my headphones and jacket. She opened the door, still getting her jacket on. I was now maybe a foot taller. She was 5'2 and I was 6'1 last time I got checked by the doctor. It was a blessing and curse being so tall.

We got into the car and sped off to the building. We were already late so I guess at this point it didn't matter how fast we went. Mum and I talked about the family we met. I kept Michael to myself. She said that we should defiantly hang out with them again sometime soon. I gladly agreed.

Michael.