Beautiful Liar.

Part One. (Denial)

You sit in your room remembering the past, looking out through the door and watching the flash back like it is happening right in that moment, you follow the memories until you realize where it ends, you run back to your room and collapse onto the bed. Nothing lasts forever, I mean that's how life goes, but the way the memories ended wasn't how it was meant to, that day you were split into two emotion and rational. You throw your head into your legs with tears rolling down your cheek, you look up into the mirror to see yourself sitting behind you.. you walk two steps forward and when you do you feel you are being pulled four steps back, further into the darkness of emotion.
You sit at a table where you once looked into the eyes of the person you loved, the one person you would have killed for.. You see a flash back of the first time being together and you feel nothing, you don't have no emotion to give since you can't give something that you don't have. The light sways back and forth before you walk back into you bedroom of sorrows and guilty tears, seeing everything so clean and precise you feel that one thing in your life is in order. You crawl into a ball and let the guilty tears flow, you look to see a broken girl sitting behind you.. you see yourself collapsed onto the bed of glass, and broken memories.. Falling to the floor you look into the mirror where you see your torn self crawl up behind you, and hold you tight, its hands wrapped around your throat you pull away, you know that isn't you, you know who you are.. a broken girl living in a broken world where the only good thing that comes from it is that you feel no pain, but is that really you.. Do you really know yourself? How far are you willing to go to find out?
No matter where you go you are fighting with yourself, throwing it against walls to make it fear you, but you can't make something fear you when you are more afraid of it. You throw yourself against walls in guilt of the memories, it's all your fault he left, it's all your fault that you can't make your emotion leave you alone, you let it in and now it will never leave. You'll drive yourself insane before you come to terms with anything, but you will never do that you are in denial of everything. You go into the bathroom and lay in the bath, relaxed you close your eyes for not even a second and everything rushes back to you, it's like you are re living the event all over again, you can't move you can't stop yourself from doing the wrong things, you scream and scream, but no one can hear you. You open your eyes and see yourself pushing you under the water, you scream and scream but no one can hear you, you are slowly drifting in and out on conciousness, it looks down at you and just stares into your eyes, tears streaming down its face you don't know what to do, you push and push until you can't push anymore and let your body go. Your eyes open, you are laying on your bed, you are confused you don't know whats happening, then he walks in, for a split moment you felt relieved to him, a subtle bit of joy until.. He walks in and packs his stuff screaming and punching walls, you see a shadow figure step out of your spot and walk into the kitchen, you follow every step of this thing, you sit down at the table and he walks out with his stuff and throws the keys onto the table and looks into your eyes, deep into them and his tears roll down onto the table you go to wipe them away, but he just walks away through the door. You go back to your room and look at yourself in the mirror once more, and you feel the pain then, you start throwing yourself against the walls screaming like you are being torn apart limb from limb, until you fall onto the floor still infront of the mirror. You slowly lever yourself up to look into the reflection, what you saw you wish you didn't, you see it crawl from the bed to the floor and sit behind you, with constant tears rolling down its face, you see they are right and you are left. and you will never be the same, you are an emotionless person with no life ahead of you. Then you wake up, "it's all a dream." you think to yourself to scared to move you shake in the bath until you loose your mind and punch the tiled wall and break a hole. Your hand bleeding you don't cry, because it doesn't hurt, you can't feel anything, but I guess that's how it's meant to be when you hide yourself under a mask your whole life thinking... maybe it's best if I end it right here.