Well I Never Really Thought That'd You Come Tonight

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The evening air was brisk on my bare face as I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked behind the alley. Vegas was, as usual, lit up with colored bulbs that attracted the attention of tourists, but the lights were far away from where I stood. The only illumination there was included a dirty, flickering streetlamp that was surrounded by moths buzzing and fluttering around the artificial flame, the closest they could get to the true light they hungered for. I withdrew my hand from my pocket and rubbed my face to seek warmth and peered around the corner of the brick wall, and there she was. Exactly how I'd remembered her. Long, dark hair cascaded down her shoulders loosely, and piercing blue eyes were easily noticed, even in the darkness. She was dressed in a black miniskirt that contrasted her bright red fishnet tights, complimented by black stilettos. Despite the chill, her shoulders were bare in the red halter top that crossed in front of her chest and hugged her body without revealing too much, leaving just enough to the imagination. I took a few steps closer and she noticed my presence, her blood red lops curling into a smirk and looked at me through thick lashes that guarded eyes of temptation. I always knew those eyes would be the death of me, and I used to think that's how I wanted to go.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Mister," she said smugly. "I almost didn't think you'd show." I rolled my eyes.

"Please. Like I have anything better to do."

"What about your new little skirt? I hear she's a ditzy one." She looked at her perfectly manicured fingernails casually. "Of course, if she was smart she'd keep a tighter leash on you. Doesn't she know your history?" I scoffed at her and shoved my hands deeper in my pockets, scowling.

"Y'know, I could just leave at any time I want. Any fucking time and I wouldn't feel any regrets. If I stayed, that's when I'd feel regrets." She laughed sarcastically, but I sensed nervousness in her eyes.

"You and I both know you wouldn't," she said matter-of-factly.

"Try me," I answered, turning my back to leave. I took a few steps, fully prepared to leave and never see her again, but...

"Wait." I turned back toward her and the smirk had vanished. In its place was the girl I knew so long ago, the one I...well. I'm not sure what it was that we had, really, but I did know or was something we both would kill for just another taste of.

"I'm sorry," she said, hanging her head in shame and running her hands through her dark mane. "I'm just nervous, y'know? It's been so long..." I stared at the cracked asphalt that we stood upon, sighing.

"I know. I understand. I know all your tells, remember?" I flushed a little and glanced back up at her, half smiling and her lips curled back nostalgically.

"Yeah. Ha. Almost nobody does. I guess you're just the only one who cared enough to figure them all out." I smiled at her sympathetically and slowly approached her before taking her in my arms. She gratefully took the embrace and she reached up as I leaned down until her cheek pressed against mine.

"I missed this," she murmured.

"I know," I answered, stroking her hair slowly. "So did I." She stepped out of the hug a bit, but still held on to me. Her eyes glanced down at my lips and she blinked before looking back into my eyes. She hesitated, waiting for me to break the embrace, to leave or to say something, but after a few moments of silence she pressed her cherry lips to mine. I closed my eyes and savored the flavor of her, bringing back so many old, beautiful memories. She tasted like mint and lemonade, a hint of cigarette, a trace of vodka, a sliver of cinnamon. I thought to myself how I used to make that drink for her when she came to the counter, the same, bright eyes that looked like sin and the same ruby red smile. After a time, she pulled away, leaving me breathless and begging for more. That was the problem with kissing her again- she was an addiction, and I was beginning to relapse.

But in that moment, I didn't care.

"So," she said, blinking and smiling faintly, her cheeks pink. "We're gonna do this. All right. So where d'you wanna go?" Honestly, I couldn't care less as long as it was with her, but still I suggested the club where we first locked eyes, me mixing drinks and her flashing smiles. She agreed and pressed another kiss to my lips before hooking her arm with mine as we walked to my car.

-

The entire night, we stayed out. Kissing, drinking, talking, laughing until there wad nobody else around. The night lasted an eternity and we were immortal. The kisses deepened, the touches lingered, the sultry glances turned shameless. I memorized and forgot her shape, her taste, her warmth over and over and I couldn't help but wonder- why? Was this a mistake, spending one last night with her, giving into her for one more time, being with her one last time before I gave her up for good. We were poison to each other, venom, toxic radiation but we both knew we couldn't get each other out of our heads. And so, once again, we indulged.

I wasn't sure what would happen next, what this would mean for us, but I did know one thing:

I didn't love her. I couldn't. I couldn't let myself fall back into the toxic sea.

So why did I?