Heroic Short Stories

The Boat

It was a rather lovely day, ironically enough.

It was sunny and rather warm outside. There was the occasional cloud in the sky, and the "Orange Seabird" was swaying gently in the calm ocean waves. The salt in the air so thick you could taste it.

One would think that the passengers on said boat would be enjoying the calm day. Sadly, that was not the case.

No, the passengers of the Orange Seabird had found themselves in quite the pickle, me included. You see, on the deck of the Orange Seabird a great battle was going down between my crew and our worst enemies , the Soggy Dogs. This epic battle happened to have been a long time coming. After all, you can only rob one another of their treasure so many times before things get personal.

The deck of the ship was full of crewmen, arms filled with weapons. In my arms in particular was a saber, my personal weapon of choice. To my left and right were my most trusted friends 'Smoke Snot' and 'Buckle Knees'. AKA Joe and Brittany. Smoke Snot was holding a battle ax in his hand and swinging it with the skill of someone with years of training. Buckle Knees preferred less graceful attacks as she was holding a revolver in each of her hands shooting everything that got too close. Still she was the best shot on this side of the sea.

The rest of my crew was out for the count. As this thought arose in my mind I did my best to ignore it. Thinking about the people I didn't have wouldn't help the fact that we were outnumbered 10 to 3. Internally cursing my unconscious crew, we lashed out to each of our respective sides. I went straight to the captain of the Soggy Dogs, Jimmy One Leg.

Jimmy was a fan of the sword, like me though I liked to think that my skills were better. We ran at each other, swords crossed with sparks flying.

"Well, well, well if it isn't my old pal, Blue Berry Jane." Jimmy said with a sneer, using my nickname like an insult. "Care to explain why my treasure is in your cargo?"

"Jimmy darling, do you really think that I would ever steal from you?" I said with obvious sarcasm as we pulled away and moved around one another in some sort of twisted dance.

I swung at his feet, but he jumped out of the way. Before his feet could touch the ground I slashed at his left and made him lose his balance for a precious second. "Honestly, I thought you trusted me! After all, what kind of sister would steal from her own brother." I said as I put my blade to his throat.

"Now if you would be so kind as to get your crew off of my bloody ship, I would be happy to-" I began to say before I was cut off by one of Jimmy's stupid crewman barreling me over in an effort to save his captain. Oh I was trying to do this politely, but If there's one thing that I can't stand, it's being cut off in the middle of a sentence.

"Get off me you stupid oaf!" I yelled as I used the hilt of my sword to knock him out. I stood up and advanced towards Jimmy, only to find two remaining men in my way.

I turned my head slightly, never breaking eye contact with Jimmy and called out for Buckle Knees and Smoke Snot to take those last two out. More than happy to help, they both jumped into what everyone knew would be a fast battle.

Jimmy smirked,"Well I would love to stay and chat. But I am afraid that I will just be taking my non-unconscious crew members and be on my way." He held up his left hand and inside it I could see the sapphire amulet that this whole battle started over.

"Oh and 'Blue Berry Jane' i hope you won't mind if I borrow this." As he spoke I could feel myself boiling with rage. 

I ran at him as fast as I could and swung out a sloppy blow which he easily dodged. "You give that back you dirty little double crosser!" I snarled as I took another poor swing at him which he blocked with his own sword.

"Tut-tut Jane," he said," you know it's not nice to grab things." He whistled to his crew and the few that could stand ran across the same planks the had used to bored my ship and began to pull away from the Orange Seabird. 

I made a final grab at the amulet, desperate to keep it out of his hands only for him to dance away, a smile playing in his lips. "It really was fun catching up with you Jane," he said,"but I am afraid I must go now. There's a very wealthy man in England that I need to speak to about a certain amulet." He jumped out of my reach again and called to his two crew men who still fighting Buckle Knees and Smoke Snot.

As the last of the crew of the Soggy Dogs was aboard they pulled in the last of the planks, preventing me from boarding their ship and throttling Jimmy's throat.

As the Soggy Dogs began to sail away stood at the edge of the boat looking after them, saying nothing. I faintly heard Buckle Knees say behind me,"Don't worry Jane, we can still cut them off before she reached England." As she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, I turned to her with a smile.

"Actually, we should probably start heading as far away from them as possible." I said.

Smoke Snot shrugged,"I don't get it? Why would we want to go away from them?"

"Well," I began,"I would imagine that Jimmy is going to be very upset when he finds out that he's missing his favorite ring, and I don't want to be anywhere near him when he does." I held up my hand with a smirk. There in the center of my palm was Jimmy's jewel encrusted ring that he had worn to every battle he'd ever fought. I just so happened to know that it was one of his most prized possessions.

Buckle Knees and Smoke Snot laughed while I went to open the sails. Soon the Orange Seabird was off in the complete opposite direction of the Soggy Dogs. As I looked out over the open expanse of water I could almost hear an outraged voice yelling in the distance about "A no good, thieving, dirty, evil sister!"

I smiled to myself as I steered my ship forward. If Jimmy One Leg thought he could outsmart the famous Blue Berry Jane that easily he had another thing coming.