Love After Love

Chapter I

I found Cory kissing that girl twelve nights ago, and now it's her he calls beautiful while I'm back in my room, writing about his stormy and destructive blue eyes and binge eating cashews.

"Moon, shouldn't you be packing? You leave for college in two days, remember."

"I know mom, but procrastinating my packing makes it feel farther away, therefore I feel less terrified."

I know she thinks I'm crazy by the way she rolls he eyes and leaves, but I believe everyone feels terrified to leave for college, after all. I try to resume my writing, but my mother has made me lose inspiration.

I realize it needs something to make it sound more poetic, and after minutes of writing and deleting I come up with the right line to continue my poem.

He could never be real for me.

I continue on, adding more verses until I'm content with all of it. When I'm done, I upload it to my tumblr with the hope he will see it someday, although probably he won't care if he does.

There are certain times when your mind forces you to stop procrastinating and do what you should be doing, and this ends up being one of them. It hits you like a truck and you just feel that ultimatum nearing, be it because of homework, work, or in this case, packing for college. I get out the dark blue luggage set my sister and my best friend bought me especially for this occasion and start choosing which clothes are nice enough to take and which will stay. By the time I'm done, I have thirteen shirts, six pairs of pants, one skirt, four dresses, five pairs of shoes and only one sweater. I will clearly need to go shopping tomorrow if I plan on surviving for the next five months. I continue packing my belongings; I take everything from music records to books to my favorite pillows and family pictures. When I finish, my room looks empty, which makes me feel nostalgic. That seems to be happening a lot recently.

Clearly, I'm not the only one that feels this way. When my little sister, Emma, came in, she looked around as if she had never noticed my room had walls (and how could she, when they had always been covered by posters and pictures). She sat next to me, always knowing when it's better to stay silent and let your sister's feelings sink in. She has always been wise for her age, and at only thirteen years old, I believe her advice is the best anyone ever gives me. I could describe her as one of those people who seem as if they've lived a million lives, those who always know what to say, she is witty without falling into being a know-it-all. She looks at me with those large, caramel eyes that say, "I understand, I'm here for you, you can be sad and it's okay" without the need of her mouth saying anything. She's surely the one I'll miss the most. Who will I turn to when it all goes crazy? I might make friends or whatever, but nothing compares to the reassurance my little sister's eyes give me.

"Secret night?" Emma asks.

I need only nod for her to understand everything. She nods back with a determined look on her face, furrowed eyebrows and all, and leaves the room. A few minutes later, she walks in again with all the necessary elements for the occasion. The feeling of having someone love and care for you is undeniably the best feeling in the world. The chosen movie for tonight is The Breakfast Club. Tonight, for some reason, it makes me cry even more than usual, just thinking about how those high school days are over for me makes me nostalgic. Oh, and to think this will be the last secret night before I leave makes me cry even harder. After the movie ends with Judd Nelson's fist in the air, we lie down and start talking.

"So, how do you feel?" Emma asks, those caramel eyes framed by long, brown hair piercing deep into my soul.

"Oh, Emmy, it's horrible. It feels as if everything around here will be gone when I come back. I feel like you will grow up and I'll miss it, like maybe it will all be different when I return and I don't want it to be. I am excited, I really am, but I'm also terrified. My roommate seemed nice on the emails, but what if when I get there she hates me? Or what if I fail all my classes? I mean, everything could go wrong; I could even bump into Cory there. What would I do then?"