The Return of Shane Vol 2: The Walking Dead (Final Cut)

"Alone, Again."

Part 1

"You did this to us! This was you, not me!"

The words sprang Rick up from his far-from-restful sleep. Luckily, he did not disturb his family, who quietly slept. Carl was snuggled warmly with Lori. Rick could see the foggy cloud escape from the child's mouth as he exhaled heavily.

Sweat beads collected on Rick's forehead and slicked down the sides of his face. Damn you, Shane, he thought mutely. Rick's hands felt warm and sticky, as if Shane's blood still coated his fingertips.

Rick could see Daryl in the corner of his eye keeping watch for the camp. Hershel slept with Maggie and Beth, and Carol slept alone but in rather close proximity to Daryl. The fact that the group was out in the wilderness already kept Rick up, and Shane making impromptu visits in his dreams wasn't helping the fact.

"You still up, babe?" Lori said groggily.

"Can't really sleep," Rick said. His voice was distant, and his eye contact absent. It had been that way since the farm.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Lori as she freed her arm from under Carl's head. "What's bothering you?"

"Shane." Rick didn't elaborate; he barely wanted to talk to Lori at all, let alone about Shane. He stood and walked away, disconnecting rather abruptly from his wife.

There was a time when Lori used to dream of the day Rick would quarrel with her. Most of the time, he would merely cave to her demands. But since Shane's death, all they did was fight. And Rick's version of fighting didn't involve elevated voices. He beat you down with distance and one-word sentences. He made Lori wonder if he even loved her anymore. And he wondered that himself.

Lori quickly followed behind her husband but made sure not to disturb sleeping Carl. "Rick. Rick!" Lori hissed after Rick, who finally stopped the second time she called his name. "We can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" retorted Rick with hostility.

"This! Walking away, pretending..."

"Pretending what, Lori?"

"Pretending we aren't married and I don't love you. Pretending that I didn't feel gutted when I thought you were dead. Pretending—"

"—Pretending you weren't with him," Rick swiped back. Daryl's ears perked up. Though not one to gossip, arguments between Rick and Lori were the only thing around that was mildly interesting to watch.

Lori absorbed the blow. This was what she wanted. Passion. She wanted passion and fire back in her marriage, and now Rick was going to passionately curse her out. "I know you hate me right now, Rick."

"Hate you?" Rick retorted. "Everything is about you, isn't it? When isn't it about you, Lori?"

The way he said the word "Lori" was patronizing. He wanted her to know how much she always made everything about her, how she couldn't see beyond her dense bubble of selfishness. Rick, though outwardly hostile, was still crushed.

"Are we going to do this right here and now? Is this where you're going to tell me how awful I was? How I betrayed you? How I shit on everything we built? Spare me your pity party, Rick. Look around us. We have bigger issues to worry about."

She wasn't wrong. As with most things, Lori could see the bigger picture. But Rick was too sensitive, and her betrayal was too much for him to bear. Of all the things that Lori could have done, and of all the people she could have done it with, she had chosen Shane. In Rick's mind it was borderline incest.