Broken Glass

Phil rubbed his already red eyes. It had been three weeks since Dan had killed himself. Three unbearable weeks and it was all Phil's fault.
"Philip Michael Lester, will you marry me?"
"Dan I'm, I'm so sorry, I, I can't do this, I'm not ready,"
Phil took another swig of whisky. It burned his throat as it slid down. He wanted to cry but so many tears had falllen that he could cry no more. The phone rang but he was almost oblivious to the shrill ring of the phone,
"Hi you've reached Dan,"
"AND PHIL,"
"shush Phil, this is important, please leave a message after the beep!"
The sound of Dan's voice made the pain in Phil's heart even worse, His chest clenched at the thought of how happy Dan had been during that time. They had just moved in with one another. A small two bedroomed apartment-not that they needed the second bedroom. They had gone to Ikea and chose furniture for their new home together. Another barely audible sob left Phil's mouth. How happy they had been. And now he was gone. He moved the whisky up to his lips again but it was empty. He threw the bottle across the room and it shattered as it hit the wall. A flashback stormed in to Phil's mind,
"Daaaaan!"
"What is it?"
"I, uh, smashed another cereal bowl"
"Goddammit Phil, here let me clean it up"
He wanted to scream but no sound came out. He slowly stood up and went to get a dust pan and brush. He fumbled around the cupboard until he found it, attached to the back of the cupboard door was a postit note written in Dan's almost illegible scrawl.
"Remember to Hoover the apartment! |"
He held the note in his trembling hands, "Please Dan, please don't be gone, I need you"
He kissed the note and sank to the floor, burning wet tears scared his cheeks. The phone began to ring again. This time instead of leaving it he stormed towards the phone and yelled into it, "FUCK OFF!" He slammed the phone down and began to sweep up the glass. He was about to pour it into the bin when something stopped him. He picked up a shard and smiled. He placed it down on to the back of his arm and drew a thin line, blood trickled down his arm and made droplets on the counter, the counter where Dan had sat excitedly chatting as Phil prepared the couples dinner. The pain was a sweet release to Phil. A release he'd craved so dearly. He made another cut, and another. Something stopped him in tracks, visions of him and Dan, meeting phans and seeing there scars, the way he'd begged them not to do it, not to ruin there perfect bodies. He smirked to himself, at least he wasn't a hypocrite, it was his fault Dan was dead. He was the furthest from perfect there was. He was about to drag the glass across his already covered arms when something in the room changed, he could feel a warmth in the house that had been long since erased, he felt a heat entice his body,
"Please don't Phil, I love, please don't ever do this to yourself again."
Dan's voice whispered in his ear.
"I love you, this wasn't your fault, take care my sweet sunshine."
Phil smiled, his bear was still with him, His beautiful boy "I love you Dan, please never leave me."
"I'll always be right here."
Phil felt a warmth in his heart, a trickle of tears fall down his face but they were different, they were tears of relief, Dan was still with him, in his heart anyway and he didn't blame Phil.