Saturday. Ugh. I dread this day every week. This job sucks. My name is Mike. It's not a short form for anything. Just Mike. I'm a part time lifeguard. I save lives. I'm not sure why I signed up for this job. Oh yeah I did it to get my hours. TOTALY NOT WORTH IT. Sarah (A.K.A big boss lady) said that I signed up and can't quit until 3 months of work. Today is week 6. I've already met so many dumb people already. Like the kid who ran around the pool deck. Ouch. And the girl who brought her phone into the pool. Shocking. And I'll never forget what happened 3 weeks ago. This lady brought her 5 year old to the deep end. Yup. That's right. THE FREAKING DEAP END. Okay. This lady is like an Olympic swimmer swimming from side to side at the speed of light AND leaves her 5 year old alone on the deepest side of the pool. Our pools shallow length is 1 meter. Ok 1 meter. Or deep side is 20 meters. This kid is 2 feet. 2. FEET. I didn't have to do anything. He wasn't drowning. It's was fine. I didn't care. His mom was in the pool. Everything was going great. UNTIL this IDIOT disobeyed the DO NOT SPLASH rule and cannon balled into the pool knocking the 2 feet kid off the ledge. He was downing. His Olympic swimmer mother just stopped moving and stayed in that one spot screaming at full volume. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHMMYYYYYYBBBAAAAABBBBYYYYY!!"
He's not a baby. He is a 5 year old. I just sat there watching her. Expecting her to save her own son but she just kept screaming and looking at me and looking at her drowning son. This was a huge disappointment. I guess it was my time to shine! I jumped into the pool at full speed to save him but he was flailing around so when I got close to him he kicked me right in the face. O. U. C. H. Everything went black. I felt like my face shattered into a million pieces. It's not a good feeling. I slowly started sinking to the bottom of the pool. When I regained my vision, I saw every one in the pool still. Not moving. Not making any effort to save this kid. NO! MIKE WILL NOT DIE LIKE THIS! I swam up to the surface of the pool and grabbed the 2 feet kid dodging his attacks LIKE A BOSS! By this point I was in rage mode and I threw him onto the pool deck. No way am I doing CPR. The 2 feet kid was fine. They never came back to this pool ever again which was great. Hooray. When I got home my face was all purple. Just in time for picture day. Ugh.
